Mayalaen

I tried out an MNPD (malignant narcissistic personality disorder) technique I recently learned from the therapy book on dad last night.

It worked better than anything else I've tried and I feel as good as I can about the interaction.

MNPD thrive off attention - negative or positive - so the best thing to do is give them the very least amount of attention you can.

I was doing something when he tried to interrupt me (MNPD will purposely ALWAYS catch you when you're busy).

I kept my eyes on what I was doing, showed no emotion whatsoever, took a while responding, and when he did his stupid too low talking because he wants me to feel stupid and need clarification, I made him wait while I did more of what I was doing and finally said "oh did you say something?"

He spoke up clearly, asked a real question, didn't insult me or make stupid comments, and patiently waited for my response. 😱

When I finally responded to the question, he shut up and left the room! That's always the goal is for him to leave as quickly as possible and he has NEVER left so soon like that 🥳

I didn't feel manipulated after he left and I didn't have the burning anger either. I consider that a big win!

MNPD want all their stuff to matter to you (even though nothing of yours matters to them so if you're dismissive or focusing on something else, they don't get their fix.

Every interaction with them is a game on their end, and I've fought playing games back for years (because playing games with people is sick) but it's necessary with MNPD so recently I decided okay I'll play if it means I get as little interaction as possible and I don't feel like shit every time.

I doubt this would have worked a few years ago before he was on medication and before he was actually scared of me and weak physically himself but it works now and I'm really excited!!

dad: two of the five guys i used to bowl with died of broken necks!

mom: really?! at the same time or like...

dad: a few months apart from each other

mom: how does that even happen?! that's a wild coincidence!

dad: *blathers on for a while talking about boring "good old times" shit*

dad (finishing up): and the one fell down a flight of stairs and had a bad head injury

mom *suspicious*: so... he died from the brain injury or the broken neck?

dad: well they didn't say anything about a broken neck so probably the head injury

mom *more suspicious*: so then the other guy, how did he die?

dad: he fell off a roof

mom: and broke his neck?

dad: well the family's post didn't say what exactly killed him

me: so your story, the way you told it, is that two guys from your old team died of broken necks but the truth is that no one from your old team died of broken necks. correct?

dad *the MNPD flaring because his precious ego has been wounded*: well should i just go back to my room then since you guys don't want to hear about what's going on in my life?
 

BTW the proper response to this (according to the books and psych docs) is to change the subject. The ego has already been wounded, which the MNDP then considered a "lost game" and moving on puts a stop to the direction the conversation was going and also shows how little everyone around them cares about said subject -- adding to the "lost game" feeling.

So we changed the subject while he sulked for a minute but then he joined in again later, moving on.

Oops apparently he pushed my mom a little too far this time.

I didn’t realize it when I made the initial post, but part of their talk included her telling him that if he doesn’t knock it off right now, she’s gonna put him in a home.

She’s never threatened that before.

She told me that I’m not to take him his dinner at night anymore. She’ll be taking the plate in there herself.

And if he fucks that up, she’ll do once-a-week meal preps of sandwiches that she’ll deliver to his room once a week.

She said he tried to blame me for some of the way HE’S been acting, and the things he was listing were things I’ve had to change not because I wanted to but because of HIS behavior and so she kinda let loose on him for about 2 hours.

He then tried to blame her for some stuff and she was like “okay AGAIN these are things that you started, I had to adjust to deal with you, and now you’re mad at ME?”

OH and he said one of the things he wants to do that he says we won’t let him do is buy a car for $2000 and take it to see his sister.

The funniest part about this is he can’t stand being with his sister for more than five minutes. Not to mention the fact that he’s REALLY off in terms of money.

In this area you can’t get even a junker for $2000. He’d need at least $6000 (which we don’t have), and it would need some work and it wouldn’t be reliable. He can’t work on cars anymore, so that’s out.

I also had him drive me through a parking lot the other day because I wanted to check something on my truck, and he almost hit two parked vehicles and I have no idea how he didn’t scrape a trailer hitch on the back of a parked pickup truck. He drove SO close to it.

She told him “go ahead. Get a car for $2000. I didn’t tell you no.”