I knew what NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) was, but Iâd never heard of
Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder until 4 family members were diagnosed with it and I realized Iâd been living in a different world than I thought I was.
MNPDs are so good at manipulation, they even fool psychologists and counselors. Which is why my mom and I thought these four family members were bipolar -- because thatâs what they were diagnosed as until a specialist who knew what she was looking for saw through the bullshit.
Since the diagnosis, Iâve seen a lot of people slapping the MNPD label on people they donât like. People who manipulate others or who seem like a villain from a bad movie.
It would be a
huge mistake to fall for that because
MNPD isnât so obvious, especially to people outside MNPDâs circle.To most people on the outside, someone with MNPD seems extremely charming, outgoing, funny, self-sacrificing, and VERY caring.
This makes it even harder to diagnose and harder for those living with this person. If you complain about anything, you look like the asshole, and the true manipulator comes off looking squeaky clean.
It wasnât until my mom received calls from
two of my dads friends that she realized heâs spent the last 2-1/2 years telling all his friends that weâre abusing him, starving him, keeping him locked in his room, etc. and that it was getting worse. Those two friends were ready to call social services on us.
The reality was that my dad is treated like a king. We donât engage with him as much as we used to (especially since the diagnosis), but
- I get him anything he asks for (treats, snacks, tools, clothes, etc.)
- his room & bedding/clothes are cleaned for him
- he gets a home-cooked, healthy meal prepared by me delivered to his desk in his bedroom 6 days as week
- I coordinate all his doctorâs visits and all his medications so he doesnât have to
- we even got him a walker when he became unsteady on his feet and appeared to be a fall risk
He still bitterly complains to his friends that Sundays are his âenforced fastingâ days. Itâs the one day a week I have off, so we all just grab food for ourselves. But if you ask his friends (he has A LOT of friends), it sounds as though my dad is chained to his bed, locked in his room, and denied food and water on Sundays.
Thankfully the two friends who called my mom know heâs manipulative, and when they asked him directly about it, he laughed it off like he was telling them a joke the whole time, so his friends didnât call social services on us.
This isnât something new. He plays games like this with everyone. Heâs driven all my friends and almost all my momâs friends away over the years. The only reason some of my momâs close family are still around is because they refuse to abandon her, but even they donât realize how twisted my dad is.
Every word out of his mouth is a lie and/or manipulation. He screws his own friends over all the time, but they donât even realize it because he charms and manipulates.
MNPD is NOT simply a manipulative person. Itâs not simply an abusive person. Itâs a wide range of chronic behavior and personality traits that are aggressively cruel along with a complete lack of conscience and an extreme form of insular selfishness.
Malignant narcissists are
AWARE they cause pain, and they enjoy inflicting it. The truth is what they decide it is at any given time, and youâll NEVER get an honest answer out of them about anything including their own opinions, wants, and desires.
The main thing Iâve learned is that the only way to âwinâ when dealing with a malignant narcissist is not to play the game. Theyâre
never going to care, understand, feel bad about anything, or change their behavior.
That also means
you canât hurt their feelings, which is extremely freeing (at least for me).
That doesnât mean you should purposely try to hurt them because thatâs not going to work and instead youâll be hurt. It means that you donât have to worry about your interactions with them or overthink things because none of it really matters to them.
If you canât avoid them, build thick walls around yourself. Keep interaction to a minimum, and if confrontation is unavoidable, try to avoid it in public where theyâll get even more attention and theyâll make you look like the fool.
Donât bother trying to talk things out with them. This saves A LOT of time as theyâre never going to change anyway, and telling them how they can hurt you gives them more power.
If you can, get away from them. If you canât, protect yourself and find a friend/family member to support you and act as a confidant who wonât be scared off by them, wonât confront them, and will play the unassuming, charmed idiot who believes his every word.
Iâm probably going to post more about MNPD, so if you donât want to see it or you find it triggering, please blacklist it.![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
