he/him | 🍳💚🤍🩶🖤 | 18+ Content | INTJ/Virgo | #actuallyschizophrenic
I live in the southwestern US, and I own a tattoo shop and a tattoo/piercing/art supply store.See under the cut for a Cast of Characters (all the people in my life) and my Fic List
Fandoms: #Supernatural #StrangerThings #Hannibal #OFMD #StargateAtlantis #StargateSG1 #StarTrek #XFiles #AngelTheSeries #BuffyTheVampireSlayer #Dexter #Fargo
I tried out an MNPD (malignant narcissistic personality disorder) technique I recently learned from the therapy book on dad last night.
It worked better than anything else I've tried and I feel as good as I can about the interaction.
MNPD thrive off attention - negative or positive - so the best thing to do is give them the very least amount of attention you can.
I was doing something when he tried to interrupt me (MNPD will purposely ALWAYS catch you when you're busy).
I kept my eyes on what I was doing, showed no emotion whatsoever, took a while responding, and when he did his stupid too low talking because he wants me to feel stupid and need clarification, I made him wait while I did more of what I was doing and finally said "oh did you say something?"
When I finally responded to the question, he shut up and left the room! That's always the goal is for him to leave as quickly as possible and he has NEVER left so soon like that 🥳
I didn't feel manipulated after he left and I didn't have the burning anger either. I consider that a big win!
MNPD want all their stuff to matter to you (even though nothing of yours matters to them so if you're dismissive or focusing on something else, they don't get their fix.
Every interaction with them is a game on their end, and I've fought playing games back for years (because playing games with people is sick) but it's necessary with MNPD so recently I decided okay I'll play if it means I get as little interaction as possible and I don't feel like shit every time.
I doubt this would have worked a few years ago before he was on medication and before he was actually scared of me and weak physically himself but it works now and I'm really excited!!
Bonus: My mom was in the room watching TV and afterwards told me she was so excited that she had to hide her face so he wouldn't see her gleefully grinning because she said I pulled off the technique perfectly and now she wants to try it 😂CW Death & Real Life Shit
Death doesn't usually bother me all that much. I believe that people just stop existing, and while it's hard for those left behind, the person who died is no longer suffering and nothing else bad will happen to them now.
The schiz probably helps with it too - my outlook on life and reality in general.
But sometimes things hit me weird, and this weekend I got hit.
I had a few very close friends growing up (I wasn't a super social person + I'm weird 😂), and I've kept in touch with several of them. A few of those were friends + fuckbuddies.
Cecil was one of them.
We stopped playing when he got married. Played after his divorce. Stopped playing again when he got married again. I kept in touch off and on over the years though.
Last weekend he died of complications related to Covid. His wife said he wasn't feeling THAT bad, and once he stopped testing positive, he went back to work. But then his heart and lungs just gave out.
The doctor listed the cause of death as exhaustion, but he was a fairly healthy guy who didn't let life's stresses get to him and wasn't overworked, so his wife and I are convinced that Covid beat the shit out of him and his body gave out.
His wife wants him listed as a Covid death and is pissed the doc wouldn't do that. We've complained to each other before about how dismissive everybody is about Covid.
Anyway, Cecil was there for me during a really REALLY shitty time in my life when I wasn't trusting anybody (not that it's easy for me to trust anyway) and my schiz was at its worst.
He's one of only two people I let dom me for several years because I couldn't let go with anybody else and wouldn't allow anybody else to get me into bondage I couldn't get myself out of. I've always mostly dommed because of this.
It's always the good people who die early and the total pieces of shit who live a long life.
Cecil wasn't perfect, but he left A LOT of family and friends behind who adored him.
He let me complain about my shitty family in my life, and he always joked about how he KNEW they were going to live long lives because they're so shitty. I would tell him he was going to die young because he was awesome. He had a dark sense of humor and thought that was hilarious.
It hit me that he left behind so many people who are really going to miss him.
And in a selfish way it hit me that the only two people I trusted to dom me when I was at my worst are both gone now. Cecil recently and Amanda a few years back.
My family pulled more stupid shit over the weekend that had me scrambling to fix things, so during the day I was distracted enough, but at night when nobody is bugging me and it's dark and quiet, it's getting to me.
One of those "feeling lonely when you're surrounded by people" types of thing when I'm usually not a lonely person, but it's probably just the concept that's making me feel that way. The reality is nothing's really changed.
Orgain was created by a cancer survivor because he couldn't find clean protein shakes on the market.
He created his own company with all clean and organic ingredients, natural sugars, and using a wide variety of vegetables and fruits.
But sometime around mid 2022, he sold a majority of the company stake to Nestle, of all companies.
Here's one of the articles about it: Nestlé to buy majority stake in protein powder maker OrgainThe deal accelerates the CPG giant's push to grow its health and wellness business while selling parts of its slower-growing food and beverages.
I noticed a change in taste right away, but since the owner had improved the formula two other times over the years, I figured he did it again.
Nope.
The goal of Nestle is to make as much money as possible while not giving a shit about the human cost or what they do to the environment. I can't say for certain, but I'm pretty sure they were behind the changes to Orgain powder.
Now there are several unhealthy sugar substitutes in it, almost none of the vegetables they used to have, and they no longer list the ingredients as clean sourced.
I was thrilled to find Orgain years ago because multiple family members have cancer, but for well over a year I was feeding them this new formula because I didn't realize what happened to the company.
If you use this product, check the ingredients again just to make sure you're still comfortable with what's in it.
Part of the agreement in 2022 included the option to acquire the rest of the company in 2024, so if you use Orgain, keep an eye on the ingredient list since it will most likely change again this year once Nestle fully owns the company.
Oh and an update to the last post! Because he didn't suck enough already.
He just now came into my room and said "I didn't really drink any of it yet. I just wanted to see if it would freak you out."
This is nothing new with him. Mindgames constantly. He was stupid enough to take the water into his room without paying attention to the packaging, but hadn't actually drank any yet.
With the help of therapy and other people who know how to deal with MNPD (malignant narcissistic personality disorder), I'm learning how to respond so...
My response was "Oh I wasn't worried" and went back to what I was doing.
The less emotion you put into things and the less you let people with MNPD cause events, the less damage they cause and the less they get out of the interaction.
I had already looked up the ingredients to see if he needed a hospital visit, but I didn't tell him I did that. He doesn't need to know I wasted time looking something up for his benefit.
dad: hey thanks for getting me more water!
me: what water?
dad: the water you left for me on the living room table
me: that's not yours. DO NOT drink that.
dad: why?
me: it's distilled water.
dad: is there something wrong with that?
me: besides distilled water not being good for humans to drink regularly, this water is specifically fortified for carnivorous plants. with fertilizer.
dad: ... okay?
me: humans can't drink it. that's what it says on the packaging.
dad: oh. i already drank about 1/4 gallon of it.
me: i guess i get to look up all the ingredients and see if you need to go to the hospital
- It boggles my mind that men of his age and disposition surround themselves with enough people to take care of them that they can make it to 80 years old without dying or severely injuring themselves.
BTW the water was in completely different containers than the drinking water I get him, I never put his water on the living room table, and I always tell him when I've gotten him more of his water.
Unfortunately for me and my mom, he didn't drink enough to ☠️
(he's an abusive asshole so that's why I said that last bit)
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