Mayalaen

Because I can't get THIS POST out of my head. Dean/Cas AU of CON 'verse

“dude what the hell you just fucking rear ended me”

“I apologize. It was completely my fault. Give me a moment, and I'll call my insurance agent to see if I'm covered for this.”

“yeah, you better because im not fucking paying for this”

*cas gets on the phone* “I rear-ended someone, and I'm just going to kill him because I really don't want to pay him for it."

“what the fuck did you just say?”

“Do you mind? I'm having a private conversation with my insurance agent.”

*back on phone* “I killed my insurance agent because I did some digging and found out he killed his sister, so I don't have insurance. I need you to come pick up the body after I kill this guy. I'm on the side of the road.”

"are you fuckin' with me right now? bc this isn't funny"

*rolls his eyes* "Yes he's cute. No. NO! *sigh* Okay, yes I can ask him out instead, but I don't know why you always talk me out of things like this. No, I am NOT mixing up my feelings of attraction with my desire to murder!! I don't get crushes! You KNOW this!"

"seriously dude this isn't going to work. you owe me. you don't scare me at all"

*REALLY heavy sigh* "Fuck. You're right. I'm hard already, and all he's doing is bluffing because he's scared of me. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. I may or may not bring him to meet you. Depends on how well this goes."

*gets off the phone* "Here's my number. Give me yours."

*stares for a moment* "you mean my insurance info?"

"Fine. Whatever. Yes. Your insurance info and your phone number."

*Dean hands Cas his business card and insurance card*

*Cas shifts awkwardly for a moment* "I'm not good at this part. Will you just come to breakfast with me? I don't like being around a lot of people, so I'll pick up some sandwiches from the place around the corner and we can eat in the park."

*clearly interested* "sandwiches for breakfast?"

*pulling a face* "Oh, I forgot most people like certain foods at certain times of the day for some reason."

"no it's okay i could go for a sandwich."

*hopeful* "Really? Even after what you just heard?"

*nodding* "yeah. it's the most fucked up but interesting pick-up line i've ever heard and i gotta be honest, i'm fucking sick of the tired smooth pick-up lines"

"Oh, well then I'll add that I can't wait to tie you up on my table and lick every inch of your body."

*considering for a split second* "okay let's go forget the fuckin sandwiches"