Mayalaen

I don’t like kids. I don’t wish harm upon them, let’s get that straight!

But I’m schizophrenic, my senses go into overdrive when little things happen, and I don’t have much control over it. Something that without fail sets my sensory issues off? Kids’ squeaky little voices, especially when they scream.

Since there aren’t any child-free restaurants (even sports bars), I know it’s a necessary evil if I feel like eating out, but I calmly and quietly ask the waiter/waitress to seat me where there’s no children (and you wouldn’t believe how many people have given me the stink-eye for this) and I know I have to put up with a certain amount of squeaky voices in the restaurant.

Again, I don’t wish evil on kids. I know they can’t help but have squeaky little voices and they’re excitable. However, that doesn’t mean parents have to be assholes and let them run around screaming, knocking into other people, or just ignore them while they wail at the table.

Tonight I sat there with a family behind me (the waitress ignored my request). Father, mother, and a 3 or 4-year old girl. Not only did the little girl scream at the top of her lungs many, many times throughout her dinner, but the father SCREAMED ALONG WITH HER as if he thought it was funny.

I’m not fucking kidding. He actually whined and screamed, then would laugh. She’d start up again, he’d start up, and the two would laugh at each other and start all over again.

My heart was racing, I had tunnel vision, was sweating, and my skin got oversensitized. Even the air around me hurt my skin. They didn’t come in until I was halfway through my meal, so I figured I’d just hurry up and eat, shove it down my throat, then get the hell outta there.

But the waitress took forever to bring me the check, so I sat there trying not to freak the fuck out and run through the place screaming and crying. The idea of getting in trouble for running out on the check (or the waitress THINKING I was doing that) is enough for yet another anxiety attack.

I’d like to know what parents are thinking when they do this. I don’t expect everyone to cater to me. I’m schizophrenic. Big woop. Poor me. Blah, blah. But no one in that restaurant was enjoying the screaming. Does something change inside parents’ heads? Like some switch that says ‘my kid can do this because she’s cute and everyone will think it’s adorable’?!?

I don’t go out very often because of this. I go out late at night on weekday nights so I miss most of the families. And if I’m already having sensory issues, I don’t even think about going out to eat. But I was doing okay tonight. Until the screaming kid, I was having a good time.

What the fuck is wrong with people?!

I’m still oversensitized. It’ll last all night, and my hallucinations will ramp up for the night. So thank you, anonymous asshole father who thought his kid was the cutest thing ever. I won’t sleep tonight, I’ll have raging hallucinations all night, my skin will hurt every time a little bit of air runs across my skin, my ears will be sore with even small noises, even mild light will hurt my eyes, and my heart will still race for a while, but that’s okay, because you got to have fun eating at a restaurant with your kid.

~Maya

I hate it when I set the alarm on my phone, but (as usual) wake up before it goes off, and then I forget to shut the alarm off, so my phone happily tries to wake me up.

It kinda feels like the phone's saying, "Haha! I would've let you sleep until just now had you not had trouble sleeping!"

~Maya