Boundaries
Dec. 21st, 2014 09:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mayalaenTitle: Boundaries
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Gabriel
Rating: NC-17/Adult
Word Count: 4800
Alternate Links: AO3 || DW || SPNKink-Meme Prompt
Full List of Kinks and/or Warnings:Non-con, diry talk, forced orgasm, begging, crying, trauma, loss of virginity, first time, handjob, AU, fucking/anal sex, no safeword.
Setting: Dean & Gabriel are 24, Castiel & Sam are 20. Dean and Sam are brothers, as are Gabriel and Castiel.
Summary: Fill for an Anonymous Prompt. One morning as they're waking up Dean and Cas are snuggling. It gets heated, Cas playfully pushing him away until Cas tries to stop him properly. I don't mind whether this is non-con and Dean ignores Cas or if Dean thinks it's a game because they do play like this sometimes. After, Cas is devastated, calls his brothers, gets them to pick him up, telling them what happened. I don't mind how it ends.
Warning: The subject matter is serious and potentially triggering. This is rape happening in a loving, committed relationship due to miscommunication. You have been warned. Any flames will be deleted.
Castiel woke up to the sensation of his boyfriend peppering his face with soft kisses. Cas smiled, not ready to open his eyes yet, but content to just bask in the attention. Dean had invited him over to spend the night, and though Gabriel had told him he shouldn't, Cas had done it anyway.
Dean was wonderful. He was the perfect boyfriend. He was sweet and caring and fucking hot. Cas gasped as Dean nibbled on his earlobe, remembering how fun it had been the night before, how Dean had made him scream as he came down Dean's throat.
“I know you're awake,” Dean said, then tweaked one of Cas' nipples.
Cas whined, but by the time he pulled away, Dean was already kissing his neck again. Gentle touches and murmured words against his skin. They'd fallen asleep on Dean's bed. Cas hadn't meant to sleep so late, but being with Dean was still exciting in a way that meant he pushed his own boundaries.
Dean's right hand tickled Cas' shoulders, then down his side as Dean rolled on top of him. Cas opened his eyes and looked up at Dean.
“Hey,” Cas said, smiling at his amazing boyfriend.
“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, then gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Feels like you're up for more than just breakfast,” Dean said, waggling his eyebrows as he palmed Cas' erection.
Cas grinned. “Maybe,” he said coyly, knowing it would get Dean even more excited.
Some people would call Cas a tease, but most people didn't know him, and they didn't really know Dean. Cas had been an awkward kid, and he never seemed to grow out of it. Dean got him. He understood that Cas wasn't antisocial, rather he was just an odd guy.
The two of them fit together well because Dean didn't like “normal.” He'd been burned too many times by men and women who thought he was a catch, a great lay, but didn't give a shit about him. Cas gave a shit.
Dean rubbed his nose over Cas' cheek. “Can I make you come again before you have to leave for work?” he asked.
Cas chuckled. “I don't think we should. My big brother said you're going to end up hurting me.”
Dean snorted. “Your big brother is way too protective. And he's bangin' my little brother. So we're even.”
Cas shoved at Dean playfully. “No. I can't have Gabe mad at me,” he said, getting a huge kick out of the hungry look in Dean's eyes.
Dean squeezed Cas' cock through his boxers. “You sure about that, baby?”
Cas groaned, arching into the touch. “I'm going to be late for work.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “You can be late for work once. Just try it. I know you've never done it before, but it can be fun to be irresponsible.”
Cas gasped dramatically. “You're corrupting me!” he teased.
Dean smirked. “I sure as Hell am.”
Cas chuckled, then groaned again as Dean reached through the slit in Cas' boxers to stroke him. “You're going to be late for work too.”
Dean shrugged. “Bobby can kick my ass later,” he said dismissively.
Cas wrapped his right hand around Dean's left shoulder, wanting even more of a connection with his boyfriend. He could never get enough of Dean. They'd fallen asleep on the couch plenty of times while watching a movie, both of them in either just their jeans or sleep pants because Cas liked skin-on-skin.
“Hey!” Cas squeaked as Dean pulled the boxers down.
“Aww,” Dean teased, “look what happened! Oh well, now I'll just have to make you come all over your own stomach.”
Cas spread his legs wider, planting his feet on the bed as Dean got to his knees, his upper body still against Cas, which made it even better. Dean was a great kisser, and Cas loved spending time just being worshiped by Dean's lips and tongue.
He heard a clicking noise, but dismissed it because Dean's tongue was doing something fun in his mouth, but he didn't ignore it when a slick finger pushed into his asshole.
“Hey!” Cas squeaked again, pushing at Dean's shoulders as he squirmed. “Knock it off.”
Dean chuckled. “You're so cute when you play all innocent and scared.”
Cas' eyes widened as the finger pushed in all the way. “No! Wait! I don't want to do this! I thought you were just going to blow me!”
Dean fingerfucked him as Cas' body locked up. He couldn't pull away and he couldn't buck Dean off because he was too shocked.
“Nope,” Dean said with a grin. “I want more than a blowjob. I wanna fuck you, Cas.”
Cas tried to speak, but his mouth didn't seem to want to work. As Dean pushed in a second finger, Cas' body finally decided it could move again and he pushed at Dean's shoulders, his legs closing around Dean's body as he tried to squirm off Dean's fingers.
“No!” Cas said, shaking his head. “I'm not ready!”
Dean chuckled. “Oh, this is your first time? Are you my scared little virgin?” he said, feigning surprise.
“I'm not playing,” Cas said, wincing as Dean used both fingers to fingerfuck him. “Get off me. Please. I just wanted to trade blowjobs or something.”
Dean found his prostate, making Cas mewl even as he tried to get away. “I know you've never had sex before, but you're going to love it,” he said with a wink.
Cas' cock was getting harder even though he was freaking the fuck out. The pressure on his prostate felt kind of good, but also kind of bad. He felt like he had to pee, and for a moment he worried he'd wet Dean's bed. Whatever Dean was doing to him, it was messing with his head. He knew he didn't want to do this, but his cock sure wanted to.
“Dean, please,” Cas whispered, his eyes welling up with tears.
Dean leaned down and put his lips to Cas' right ear. “It's okay. I'm gonna take care of you, baby.”
“Ow!” Cas yelped as Dean pushed a third finger in. “Dean, stop!”
“Relax,” Dean soothed, playing with Cas' prostate again. “It might hurt at first, but it'll feel amazing if you just let me take care of you.”
Cas panted, tears running into his hair. “No,” he whispered again.
“Shh, it's okay,” Dean said, ignoring the way Cas' hands were scrabbling over his chest, shoulders, and arms.
“No,” Cas said softly, his bottom lip quivering.
Dean pulled his fingers out and Cas felt something nudging against his hole. He held his breath without meaning to, his body frozen as Dean pushed into him slowly, groaning as he bottomed out.
“You feel so good, baby,” Dean said through clenched teeth, getting to his hands and knees with a hand on each side of Cas' chest.
Once Dean's weight wasn't holding him down anymore, Cas thought he'd be able to fight Dean off, to make him stop, but he couldn't. Dean was fucking him. He'd asked him to stop, told him no, but his amazing boyfriend hadn't listened, hadn't noticed that the tears were real, and he'd taken something Cas hadn't offered yet.
“Just give it a minute, Cas,” Dean said, smiling down at him, then wrapping his right hand around Cas' cock and stroking him.
Cas felt more tears running into his hair, but he couldn't speak, couldn't move, and he couldn't believe Dean had no clue that this was killing him inside.
“You gonna come for me?” Dean asked as he fucked Cas harder. “Is my little virgin going to come the first time I fuck him?”
Cas didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he could speak, and he really didn't know how he would respond to Dean's question anyway. The cock inside his ass was dragging over his prostate, a pressure building in his pelvis that was almost as heavy as the pressure in his chest.
Dean smiled down at him. “Come for me,” he said, his thrusts becoming faster.
Cas just let him, his body numb and oversensitized all at once. He knew Dean's hand was on his cock, but it seemed as if was attached to someone else, and as the pressure became nearly unbearable, he whined and came, his body convulsing as he came harder than he ever had when he jerked himself off.
“So beautiful,” Dean said, letting go of Cas' cock.
The thrusts became harder, and now that Cas had come, his asshole was more sensitive, the stimulation to his prostate painful. He wondered if it would've been amazing some other time.
He imagined Dean inviting him over for a romantic dinner and a movie on the couch as they kissed and touched and completely ignored the movie. Would Dean have whispered in his ear? Would he have asked if he could touch between Cas' cheeks? Would he have licked him open? Would he have spent hours teasing and pleasuring Cas until Cas begged him to get his cock inside there before he exploded?
He'd never know now. Dean hadn't asked. He hadn't licked him open. He hadn't spent more than sixty seconds preparing Cas. Cas hadn't begged.
Dean groaned out his name as he came inside Cas, panting and gazing down at him like Cas was amazing. Just as amazing as Cas had thought Dean was before today. Dean kissed him on the cheek as he pulled out, crawling off Cas.
“You're gonna be late,” Dean said. “Wanna join me in the shower?” Cas shook his head, feeling numb. Dean frowned. “You gotta shower before you go to work. C'mon. Get in the shower with me and we'll use up all the hot water,” he said with a smile as he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
Cas slowly got to his feet, his hands shaking. He winced as he felt Dean's come leaking out of his ass. Would he have like that had he asked for it? Would he want to stay messy because it would've meant he'd been marked by his boyfriend?
Anger built in his chest as he pulled his clothes on. He didn't care that his clothes would stink of sex. He grabbed his cell phone and texted Gabriel, telling him he needed a ride ASAP. Gabe was a great big brother, even though he was very protective. He'd be there in less than five minutes.
As Cas was putting his jacket on, Dean came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. “Are you gonna shower at your house?” Dean asked, looking confused.
“I said no!” Cas hissed at Dean.
“Huh?” Dean said, standing frozen in the doorway.
“I told you no!” Cas said, his face flushing with anger. “I said no plenty of times. You didn't notice that I didn't want that?”
Dean's confusion was written all over his face, then his eyes widened. “Wait. You didn't want that? You seriously wanted me to stop?”
Cas huffed. “Yes, you asshole,” he spit, turning around and heading for the door.
“Wait! Cas, wait!” Dean said, catching up to him at the doorway and grabbing Cas by the arm.
“Don't touch me!” Cas growled, pulling his arm away from Dean. “Don't you dare stand there and tell me you didn't know that I was scared out of my mind just now. I was fucking crying! I thought my first time was going to be amazing,” he said, his eyes burning.
He didn't want to cry again, but the anger and hurt inside was overwhelming, and before he started blubbering at the asshole standing in front of him, he turned walked out the door, heading for the living room so he could get out of the Winchester's house as soon as possible.
“Cas!” Dean yelled, following him. “Please, wait! I didn't know! I thought you were messing around! Please!”
Cas didn't respond. It took him longer than normal to unlock the front door. It frustrated him because it meant Dean had time to catch up with him again.
“Cas, please,” Dean said, his voice breaking. “I didn't know you'd never had sex before. I thought you were playing the whole hard-to-get-virgin thing. I swear. I'd never hurt you!”
Cas finally got the door open, and as he stormed out, he heard Dean tripping and falling out onto the front porch.
“I'm sorry!” Dean yelled, scrambling to get up and losing his towel in the process.
Cas was relieved to see Gabriel pulling up to the house. He yanked the door open and dropped down into the sports car, regretting it when his asshole reminded him that it had recently been fucked.
“Drive,” Cas said, his voice shaky.
Gabe didn't question him, just started driving away as Dean ran through the grass. Cas wondered briefly if the neighbors were going to call the police, complaining about a naked man screaming in his driveway. He refused to look in the rear view mirror.
He didn't realize tears were running down his face until Gabe's fingers were gently brushing them away. He flinched, eyes wide as he looked over at his brother. He was confused for a moment, wondering why Gabe was sitting sideways in the seat if he was driving, but then he saw that Gabe had parked the car.
“If I have to hurt him,” Gabe said softly, though with a fierceness that warmed Cas' heart, “I'd like to know what I should be screaming at him as he curls up on the floor.”
Cas let out a noise somewhere between a sob and a chuckle, shaking his head. “Don't hurt him. He didn't mean to do it.”
“Was it your first fight?” Gabe asked, tone of voice sympathetic instead of deadly.
Cas shook his head, more tears falling. “No,” he whispered.
“Cas,” Gabe said softly, getting his attention. “Talk to me, kid.”
Cas sighed, wiping the tears away. “I know you're still going to be upset with him, but I swear part of it is my fault.”
“Okay,” Gabe said, nodding.
“We play around,” Cas said, wincing. “I tease him, he thinks it's cute, we both get off on it and I like that it makes him get all excited.”
“Gotcha,” Gabe said.
“So when I told him no...,” Cas trailed off, the words too hard to get out.
Gabe's eyes widened slightly, then he reached out and pulled Cas into a hug, holding him tightly. Cas melted against him, enjoying the comfort.
“I'm sorry that happened, Cas,” Gabe whispered.
Cas snorted. “Yeah. Me too.”
“Are you okay? Do I need to check you out?” Gabe asked.
Cas groaned. “Don't do that.”
Gabe leaned back, not letting go of Cas, but putting enough space between them so they could look each other in the eye. He gave Cas the big brother look that said 'you'd better tell me the truth even if it's embarrassing.'
“I think I'm okay,” Cas said honestly. “I'm a little sore, but he used lube and he stretched me first.”
“But you've never had sex before,” Gabe said instead of asked.
Cas shook his head, not surprised at all that Gabe knew. They were close, just like Dean and Sam were close. They knew everything about each other, which was probably a good reason why they'd all chosen each other as partners.
“I'm just sore,” Cas said.
“Okay,” Gabe said with a nod. “You're going to tell me if the soreness lasts more than one day and if you have any bleeding.”
Cas nodded. “Yes.”
“Okay, then I want to know how hard I have to punch him,” Gabe said.
Cas' eyes widened. “I just told you it wasn't all his fault. And he didn't know I'd never had sex before. I was embarrassed to tell him.”
Gabe shook his head. “It doesn't matter. The two of you never had sex before. He should've made sure everything was clear. That's not something to play around with, even if you know each other really well. Did you ask him more than once to stop?”
Cas nodded. “Yes, but he really did think I was playing around. He was upset when I stormed out.”
“Yeah, I saw that,” Gabe said, not sounding at all convinced of Dean's innocence. “It doesn't excuse him, though I'll consider not killing him because of it.”
Gabe's phone chirped, letting them know he'd received a text. He ignored it, focusing on Cas. He hugged him again, kissing the side of his head. The phone chirped again and Gabe sighed.
He pulled out his phone and read the texts, then huffed out a laugh. “It's Dean.”
Cas winced, leaning back in the seat. “What did he say?”
Gabe put his phone back in his pocket and looked Cas in the eye. “I want to ask you something serious.”
Cas frowned. “Okay,” he said, unsure where this was going.
“It's really serious, so I want you to be honest and I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear,” he said.
Cas nodded. “Okay.”
Gabe searched his face for a moment, obviously deciding Cas was sincere. “Do you feel he's worth trying to fix this?”
Cas frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, do you have strong feelings for him?” Gabe asked. “Do you think he's someone you might want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you possibly love him enough that, even though what happened shouldn't be ignored, it might be worth working through?”
Cas looked down at Gabe's shirt, thinking about everything Gabe had just asked. He and Dean hadn't said the word love yet, but it was more than just a passing fling or a friendship. They'd spent a lot of time together. They'd double dated with Sam and Gabe. They'd talked about things with each other that only their brothers knew. But was it a forever thing?
Gabe shook his head. “Stop thinking about what it would've been like if this morning hadn't happened.”
Cas looked up at Gabe. “Why?”
“Because it's part of the package,” Gabe said with a shrug. “You can't undo it, and your answer to my questions is even more significant if you stop trying to act like it didn't happen.”
Realization hit Cas like a punch to the chest. He knew exactly what Gabriel was saying, and he wrapped his arms around his brother, pushing his face into Gabe's neck as he tried to remind his lungs how to breathe.
He loved Dean. That's why it all had hurt so much. Sure, he hadn't wanted what had happened, but it had hurt even more that Dean didn't know him well enough to stop. And Cas felt stupid for having played around with something so serious. No still should've meant no. There was never an excuse for that, but Cas knew their fun roleplay had opened the door to a dangerous situation.
Cas almost laughed hysterically into Gabe's shirt when he remembered his big brother's speech years ago, telling Cas that “no means no unless you're gettin' kinky, but then you use a fuckin' safeword.”
“I thought my first time with Dean going to be amazing,” Cas whispered into Gabe's shirt.
Gabe rubbed Cas' back. “It was. Because it made you realize something really fuckin' huge,” he said gently.
“Are you reading my mind again?” Cas asked with a smirk as he pulled back to look Gabe in the eye.
Gabe chuckled. “I just know you, kid.”
“I know,” Cas said with a smile. “Now will you tell me what Dean said?”
Gabe laughed. “The first one was from Dean, the second one was from Sam.”
Cas winced. “Sam's in on this now?”
Gabe nodded. “Yeah. Dean wants to know if you're okay, physically and mentally. He's asking me if I took you to a doctor because he's scared he hurt you.”
Cas' eyes widened. “He actually asked you that?”
Gabe grinned. “Yup. He risked the wrath of a big brother to make sure you were okay.”
Cas' smile was so big it made his cheeks hurt. “Is that all he said?”
“He also wants to know if he can come to our house and beg for your forgiveness after I beat the shit out of him,” Gabe said.
Cas snorted, rolling his eyes. “Okay, and what did Sam say?”
“Sam's freaking the fuck out,” Gabe said, shaking his head. “He knows the two of you are really close and Dean's freaking the fuck out, which makes Sam freak the fuck out.”
“That's what he said?” Cas asked with a smirk.
Gabe chuckled. “No. He wrote like five paragraphs of text. He wants to know if you're injured, if he can do anything to help, if he can beat the shit out of Dean for us, if there's any possibility you'd be willing to talk with Dean soon, and he also wants to know if I wanna kick his ass or is it just Dean that's getting his ass kicked.”
Cas' chest felt as if was going to explode. He knew Sam liked him, but he hadn't known he'd cared about him so much. “I want to talk to Dean,” Cas said confidently.
Gabe nodded. “Okay. Do you want some time to think about what you want to say or do you want to go now?”
“Should I think about it?” Cas asked, knowing Gabe had much more experience in relationships than he did.
“I think you should work things out as soon as possible,” Gabe said, “but I also think that you should do what's right for you. If you need some time, take it. Don't let anybody rush you.”
Gabe's phone chirped again and Cas nodded at Gabe's pocket. “You should probably let them know I'm not dying.”
“And also that neither of them is dying once I get to their house?” Gabe asked.
“Well, I wasn't sure if you'd taken that off the table,” he said with a smirk.
Gabe shrugged. “It all depends on Dean. If he's really sorry and doesn't try to blame you for it, then he might still be able to use all his fingers later tonight.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Cas thinking things over, and Gabriel giving his little brother the time he needed.
“Gabriel?” Cas said.
“Yeah?”
“I'm ready,” Cas said with confidence.
“Okay,” Gabe said with a nod, then started the car. He reached over and put his hand over Cas' while they drove back to Dean's house.
*
Sam opened the door. “Hey, guys,” he said awkwardly, glancing back and forth between Gabe and Cas.
Gabe nodded. “Hey,” he said tightly.
“Please come in,” Sam said, standing back and opening the door wide.
As Cas walked in, he saw Dean standing near the wall farthest from the door. His eyes were wide and he was shifting from one foot to the other and back.
“I told him to stand over there,” Sam said with a wince. “As you know, his normal way of dealing with something is to jump into the middle of it, but I told him you might not be ready for that.”
Cas nodded and smiled his thanks at Sam. He walked to Dean, keeping a three-foot distance between them. Dean didn't say anything, but it looked as if it was taking every ounce of effort to remain quiet.
“I also told him to shut the fuck up and let you start,” Sam said.
Cas looked Dean in the eye. “It was a misunderstanding, correct?” he asked, and Dean nodded enthusiastically. Cas nodded his understanding. “It can't be undone, but I don't want this to be the end of everything. Do you?”
Dean shook his head, his eyes welling up with tears. His hands were clenching into fists at his sides, then open again, as if he wanted to touch Cas, but was restraining himself.
“Okay,” Cas said with a nod, “you can say something if you want to.”
“Cas, I'm really, really, really sorry,” Dean said, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I'm not going to make excuses. I shouldn't have hurt you like that. And I want the chance to show you that I'd never willingly or knowingly hurt you. I don't deserve it, but you're standing here when I thought I'd never get to see you again, so I'm begging you. On my knees if I have to. And I don't care what Gabe wants to do to me. You can do whatever the Hell you want to me. Anything. Just, please, give me the chance to show you what you mean to me and how sorry I am for what I've done.”
Cas could see the fine tremors throughout Dean's body, the way his bottom lip was quivering, and he could hear the desperation in Dean's voice. Dean's walls were down in a way Cas had only glimpsed before now.
“I want to take things slow,” Cas said.
Dean nodded. “Anything. I won't even hold your hand or touch your shoulder unless you tell me I can.”
Cas shook his head. “I like the way you touch me. I don't want you to stop. I don't want you constantly questioning yourself or me. Some of the best times I've had have been with you on the couch, not really watching a movie because you're just staring at me or kissing me or talking to me. It's part of what I love about you.”
Dean huffed out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, it's part of what I lo-oh fuck!” he blurted, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping. “You do?” he asked quietly, hope in his voice along with a very fragile something that Cas couldn't put his finger on.
Cas nodded. “Yes. I do. And as my very awesome big brother pointed out, what happened may not be something that I ever wanted, but it did make me realize something really fuckin' huge.”
Dean froze, even holding his breath. Cas wondered what possibilities were going through Dean's head. “What's that?” he asked finally.
“That the reason it hurt so much was because I'd already fallen in love with you,” Cas said.
Dean made a soft noise, something that might have been a moan and a sob at the same time. “I'm so sorry, Cas,” Dean said again.
Cas nodded. “I know, but I care about you enough to work through this.”
“Okay,” Dean said, nodding spastically. “Thank you. I... You didn't have to do that. Thank you. Really.”
He gave Dean a small smile, then stepped toward Dean, closing the distance between them. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Dean, holding on even when Dean's body stiffened.
Cas huffed. “I'm going to let Gabe kick your ass unless you stop freaking out and hug me back.”
Dean let out a nervous chuckle, then his body started to relax as he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Cas. He pushed his nose through Cas' hair, like he always tended to do, then put his lips to Cas' left ear.
“I love you too, Cas,” he whispered, only for Cas to hear.
Cas smiled, then kissed Dean's neck. They stood there for a while, just holding each other. Cas smiled when he heard Gabe clear his throat, so they broke apart, standing side by side, but each of them still had one arm wrapped around the other.
“I'm going to do the big brother thing now,” Gabe said.
Dean's body went rigid again, but he didn't try to get away. “Okay,” he said with a nod.
“Even though I know you hate it,” Gabe said, pointing a finger at Dean, “we're all going to sit down and have a talk. We're going to talk about things that are uncomfortable, but I don't want to hear anyone complaining about it. Cas has never been in a relationship before, and from what I know about you, you've had flings, but never a serious relationship either.”
“Gabe and I both have more experience with relationships,” Sam said. “So we're going to go over some things with you because we love both of you and we want the best for you.”
Dean relaxed again. “Okay,” he said with a nod. “Are you still going to kick my ass?”
Gabe shook his head. “No. Not this time. But if you guys don't pay attention to either of us and shit like this happens again, I'll be kicking both your asses.”
Dean smiled. “It won't,” he said as he squeezed Cas' side.
Cas smiled back at Dean as they sat down on the couch to have an overdue discussion. Hopefully their brothers wouldn't make it too uncomfortable.
The End
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Gabriel
Rating: NC-17/Adult
Word Count: 4800
Alternate Links: AO3 || DW || SPNKink-Meme Prompt
Full List of Kinks and/or Warnings:
Setting: Dean & Gabriel are 24, Castiel & Sam are 20. Dean and Sam are brothers, as are Gabriel and Castiel.
Summary: Fill for an Anonymous Prompt. One morning as they're waking up Dean and Cas are snuggling. It gets heated, Cas playfully pushing him away until Cas tries to stop him properly. I don't mind whether this is non-con and Dean ignores Cas or if Dean thinks it's a game because they do play like this sometimes. After, Cas is devastated, calls his brothers, gets them to pick him up, telling them what happened. I don't mind how it ends.
Warning: The subject matter is serious and potentially triggering. This is rape happening in a loving, committed relationship due to miscommunication. You have been warned. Any flames will be deleted.
Castiel woke up to the sensation of his boyfriend peppering his face with soft kisses. Cas smiled, not ready to open his eyes yet, but content to just bask in the attention. Dean had invited him over to spend the night, and though Gabriel had told him he shouldn't, Cas had done it anyway.
Dean was wonderful. He was the perfect boyfriend. He was sweet and caring and fucking hot. Cas gasped as Dean nibbled on his earlobe, remembering how fun it had been the night before, how Dean had made him scream as he came down Dean's throat.
“I know you're awake,” Dean said, then tweaked one of Cas' nipples.
Cas whined, but by the time he pulled away, Dean was already kissing his neck again. Gentle touches and murmured words against his skin. They'd fallen asleep on Dean's bed. Cas hadn't meant to sleep so late, but being with Dean was still exciting in a way that meant he pushed his own boundaries.
Dean's right hand tickled Cas' shoulders, then down his side as Dean rolled on top of him. Cas opened his eyes and looked up at Dean.
“Hey,” Cas said, smiling at his amazing boyfriend.
“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, then gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Feels like you're up for more than just breakfast,” Dean said, waggling his eyebrows as he palmed Cas' erection.
Cas grinned. “Maybe,” he said coyly, knowing it would get Dean even more excited.
Some people would call Cas a tease, but most people didn't know him, and they didn't really know Dean. Cas had been an awkward kid, and he never seemed to grow out of it. Dean got him. He understood that Cas wasn't antisocial, rather he was just an odd guy.
The two of them fit together well because Dean didn't like “normal.” He'd been burned too many times by men and women who thought he was a catch, a great lay, but didn't give a shit about him. Cas gave a shit.
Dean rubbed his nose over Cas' cheek. “Can I make you come again before you have to leave for work?” he asked.
Cas chuckled. “I don't think we should. My big brother said you're going to end up hurting me.”
Dean snorted. “Your big brother is way too protective. And he's bangin' my little brother. So we're even.”
Cas shoved at Dean playfully. “No. I can't have Gabe mad at me,” he said, getting a huge kick out of the hungry look in Dean's eyes.
Dean squeezed Cas' cock through his boxers. “You sure about that, baby?”
Cas groaned, arching into the touch. “I'm going to be late for work.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “You can be late for work once. Just try it. I know you've never done it before, but it can be fun to be irresponsible.”
Cas gasped dramatically. “You're corrupting me!” he teased.
Dean smirked. “I sure as Hell am.”
Cas chuckled, then groaned again as Dean reached through the slit in Cas' boxers to stroke him. “You're going to be late for work too.”
Dean shrugged. “Bobby can kick my ass later,” he said dismissively.
Cas wrapped his right hand around Dean's left shoulder, wanting even more of a connection with his boyfriend. He could never get enough of Dean. They'd fallen asleep on the couch plenty of times while watching a movie, both of them in either just their jeans or sleep pants because Cas liked skin-on-skin.
“Hey!” Cas squeaked as Dean pulled the boxers down.
“Aww,” Dean teased, “look what happened! Oh well, now I'll just have to make you come all over your own stomach.”
Cas spread his legs wider, planting his feet on the bed as Dean got to his knees, his upper body still against Cas, which made it even better. Dean was a great kisser, and Cas loved spending time just being worshiped by Dean's lips and tongue.
He heard a clicking noise, but dismissed it because Dean's tongue was doing something fun in his mouth, but he didn't ignore it when a slick finger pushed into his asshole.
“Hey!” Cas squeaked again, pushing at Dean's shoulders as he squirmed. “Knock it off.”
Dean chuckled. “You're so cute when you play all innocent and scared.”
Cas' eyes widened as the finger pushed in all the way. “No! Wait! I don't want to do this! I thought you were just going to blow me!”
Dean fingerfucked him as Cas' body locked up. He couldn't pull away and he couldn't buck Dean off because he was too shocked.
“Nope,” Dean said with a grin. “I want more than a blowjob. I wanna fuck you, Cas.”
Cas tried to speak, but his mouth didn't seem to want to work. As Dean pushed in a second finger, Cas' body finally decided it could move again and he pushed at Dean's shoulders, his legs closing around Dean's body as he tried to squirm off Dean's fingers.
“No!” Cas said, shaking his head. “I'm not ready!”
Dean chuckled. “Oh, this is your first time? Are you my scared little virgin?” he said, feigning surprise.
“I'm not playing,” Cas said, wincing as Dean used both fingers to fingerfuck him. “Get off me. Please. I just wanted to trade blowjobs or something.”
Dean found his prostate, making Cas mewl even as he tried to get away. “I know you've never had sex before, but you're going to love it,” he said with a wink.
Cas' cock was getting harder even though he was freaking the fuck out. The pressure on his prostate felt kind of good, but also kind of bad. He felt like he had to pee, and for a moment he worried he'd wet Dean's bed. Whatever Dean was doing to him, it was messing with his head. He knew he didn't want to do this, but his cock sure wanted to.
“Dean, please,” Cas whispered, his eyes welling up with tears.
Dean leaned down and put his lips to Cas' right ear. “It's okay. I'm gonna take care of you, baby.”
“Ow!” Cas yelped as Dean pushed a third finger in. “Dean, stop!”
“Relax,” Dean soothed, playing with Cas' prostate again. “It might hurt at first, but it'll feel amazing if you just let me take care of you.”
Cas panted, tears running into his hair. “No,” he whispered again.
“Shh, it's okay,” Dean said, ignoring the way Cas' hands were scrabbling over his chest, shoulders, and arms.
“No,” Cas said softly, his bottom lip quivering.
Dean pulled his fingers out and Cas felt something nudging against his hole. He held his breath without meaning to, his body frozen as Dean pushed into him slowly, groaning as he bottomed out.
“You feel so good, baby,” Dean said through clenched teeth, getting to his hands and knees with a hand on each side of Cas' chest.
Once Dean's weight wasn't holding him down anymore, Cas thought he'd be able to fight Dean off, to make him stop, but he couldn't. Dean was fucking him. He'd asked him to stop, told him no, but his amazing boyfriend hadn't listened, hadn't noticed that the tears were real, and he'd taken something Cas hadn't offered yet.
“Just give it a minute, Cas,” Dean said, smiling down at him, then wrapping his right hand around Cas' cock and stroking him.
Cas felt more tears running into his hair, but he couldn't speak, couldn't move, and he couldn't believe Dean had no clue that this was killing him inside.
“You gonna come for me?” Dean asked as he fucked Cas harder. “Is my little virgin going to come the first time I fuck him?”
Cas didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he could speak, and he really didn't know how he would respond to Dean's question anyway. The cock inside his ass was dragging over his prostate, a pressure building in his pelvis that was almost as heavy as the pressure in his chest.
Dean smiled down at him. “Come for me,” he said, his thrusts becoming faster.
Cas just let him, his body numb and oversensitized all at once. He knew Dean's hand was on his cock, but it seemed as if was attached to someone else, and as the pressure became nearly unbearable, he whined and came, his body convulsing as he came harder than he ever had when he jerked himself off.
“So beautiful,” Dean said, letting go of Cas' cock.
The thrusts became harder, and now that Cas had come, his asshole was more sensitive, the stimulation to his prostate painful. He wondered if it would've been amazing some other time.
He imagined Dean inviting him over for a romantic dinner and a movie on the couch as they kissed and touched and completely ignored the movie. Would Dean have whispered in his ear? Would he have asked if he could touch between Cas' cheeks? Would he have licked him open? Would he have spent hours teasing and pleasuring Cas until Cas begged him to get his cock inside there before he exploded?
He'd never know now. Dean hadn't asked. He hadn't licked him open. He hadn't spent more than sixty seconds preparing Cas. Cas hadn't begged.
Dean groaned out his name as he came inside Cas, panting and gazing down at him like Cas was amazing. Just as amazing as Cas had thought Dean was before today. Dean kissed him on the cheek as he pulled out, crawling off Cas.
“You're gonna be late,” Dean said. “Wanna join me in the shower?” Cas shook his head, feeling numb. Dean frowned. “You gotta shower before you go to work. C'mon. Get in the shower with me and we'll use up all the hot water,” he said with a smile as he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
Cas slowly got to his feet, his hands shaking. He winced as he felt Dean's come leaking out of his ass. Would he have like that had he asked for it? Would he want to stay messy because it would've meant he'd been marked by his boyfriend?
Anger built in his chest as he pulled his clothes on. He didn't care that his clothes would stink of sex. He grabbed his cell phone and texted Gabriel, telling him he needed a ride ASAP. Gabe was a great big brother, even though he was very protective. He'd be there in less than five minutes.
As Cas was putting his jacket on, Dean came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. “Are you gonna shower at your house?” Dean asked, looking confused.
“I said no!” Cas hissed at Dean.
“Huh?” Dean said, standing frozen in the doorway.
“I told you no!” Cas said, his face flushing with anger. “I said no plenty of times. You didn't notice that I didn't want that?”
Dean's confusion was written all over his face, then his eyes widened. “Wait. You didn't want that? You seriously wanted me to stop?”
Cas huffed. “Yes, you asshole,” he spit, turning around and heading for the door.
“Wait! Cas, wait!” Dean said, catching up to him at the doorway and grabbing Cas by the arm.
“Don't touch me!” Cas growled, pulling his arm away from Dean. “Don't you dare stand there and tell me you didn't know that I was scared out of my mind just now. I was fucking crying! I thought my first time was going to be amazing,” he said, his eyes burning.
He didn't want to cry again, but the anger and hurt inside was overwhelming, and before he started blubbering at the asshole standing in front of him, he turned walked out the door, heading for the living room so he could get out of the Winchester's house as soon as possible.
“Cas!” Dean yelled, following him. “Please, wait! I didn't know! I thought you were messing around! Please!”
Cas didn't respond. It took him longer than normal to unlock the front door. It frustrated him because it meant Dean had time to catch up with him again.
“Cas, please,” Dean said, his voice breaking. “I didn't know you'd never had sex before. I thought you were playing the whole hard-to-get-virgin thing. I swear. I'd never hurt you!”
Cas finally got the door open, and as he stormed out, he heard Dean tripping and falling out onto the front porch.
“I'm sorry!” Dean yelled, scrambling to get up and losing his towel in the process.
Cas was relieved to see Gabriel pulling up to the house. He yanked the door open and dropped down into the sports car, regretting it when his asshole reminded him that it had recently been fucked.
“Drive,” Cas said, his voice shaky.
Gabe didn't question him, just started driving away as Dean ran through the grass. Cas wondered briefly if the neighbors were going to call the police, complaining about a naked man screaming in his driveway. He refused to look in the rear view mirror.
He didn't realize tears were running down his face until Gabe's fingers were gently brushing them away. He flinched, eyes wide as he looked over at his brother. He was confused for a moment, wondering why Gabe was sitting sideways in the seat if he was driving, but then he saw that Gabe had parked the car.
“If I have to hurt him,” Gabe said softly, though with a fierceness that warmed Cas' heart, “I'd like to know what I should be screaming at him as he curls up on the floor.”
Cas let out a noise somewhere between a sob and a chuckle, shaking his head. “Don't hurt him. He didn't mean to do it.”
“Was it your first fight?” Gabe asked, tone of voice sympathetic instead of deadly.
Cas shook his head, more tears falling. “No,” he whispered.
“Cas,” Gabe said softly, getting his attention. “Talk to me, kid.”
Cas sighed, wiping the tears away. “I know you're still going to be upset with him, but I swear part of it is my fault.”
“Okay,” Gabe said, nodding.
“We play around,” Cas said, wincing. “I tease him, he thinks it's cute, we both get off on it and I like that it makes him get all excited.”
“Gotcha,” Gabe said.
“So when I told him no...,” Cas trailed off, the words too hard to get out.
Gabe's eyes widened slightly, then he reached out and pulled Cas into a hug, holding him tightly. Cas melted against him, enjoying the comfort.
“I'm sorry that happened, Cas,” Gabe whispered.
Cas snorted. “Yeah. Me too.”
“Are you okay? Do I need to check you out?” Gabe asked.
Cas groaned. “Don't do that.”
Gabe leaned back, not letting go of Cas, but putting enough space between them so they could look each other in the eye. He gave Cas the big brother look that said 'you'd better tell me the truth even if it's embarrassing.'
“I think I'm okay,” Cas said honestly. “I'm a little sore, but he used lube and he stretched me first.”
“But you've never had sex before,” Gabe said instead of asked.
Cas shook his head, not surprised at all that Gabe knew. They were close, just like Dean and Sam were close. They knew everything about each other, which was probably a good reason why they'd all chosen each other as partners.
“I'm just sore,” Cas said.
“Okay,” Gabe said with a nod. “You're going to tell me if the soreness lasts more than one day and if you have any bleeding.”
Cas nodded. “Yes.”
“Okay, then I want to know how hard I have to punch him,” Gabe said.
Cas' eyes widened. “I just told you it wasn't all his fault. And he didn't know I'd never had sex before. I was embarrassed to tell him.”
Gabe shook his head. “It doesn't matter. The two of you never had sex before. He should've made sure everything was clear. That's not something to play around with, even if you know each other really well. Did you ask him more than once to stop?”
Cas nodded. “Yes, but he really did think I was playing around. He was upset when I stormed out.”
“Yeah, I saw that,” Gabe said, not sounding at all convinced of Dean's innocence. “It doesn't excuse him, though I'll consider not killing him because of it.”
Gabe's phone chirped, letting them know he'd received a text. He ignored it, focusing on Cas. He hugged him again, kissing the side of his head. The phone chirped again and Gabe sighed.
He pulled out his phone and read the texts, then huffed out a laugh. “It's Dean.”
Cas winced, leaning back in the seat. “What did he say?”
Gabe put his phone back in his pocket and looked Cas in the eye. “I want to ask you something serious.”
Cas frowned. “Okay,” he said, unsure where this was going.
“It's really serious, so I want you to be honest and I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear,” he said.
Cas nodded. “Okay.”
Gabe searched his face for a moment, obviously deciding Cas was sincere. “Do you feel he's worth trying to fix this?”
Cas frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, do you have strong feelings for him?” Gabe asked. “Do you think he's someone you might want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you possibly love him enough that, even though what happened shouldn't be ignored, it might be worth working through?”
Cas looked down at Gabe's shirt, thinking about everything Gabe had just asked. He and Dean hadn't said the word love yet, but it was more than just a passing fling or a friendship. They'd spent a lot of time together. They'd double dated with Sam and Gabe. They'd talked about things with each other that only their brothers knew. But was it a forever thing?
Gabe shook his head. “Stop thinking about what it would've been like if this morning hadn't happened.”
Cas looked up at Gabe. “Why?”
“Because it's part of the package,” Gabe said with a shrug. “You can't undo it, and your answer to my questions is even more significant if you stop trying to act like it didn't happen.”
Realization hit Cas like a punch to the chest. He knew exactly what Gabriel was saying, and he wrapped his arms around his brother, pushing his face into Gabe's neck as he tried to remind his lungs how to breathe.
He loved Dean. That's why it all had hurt so much. Sure, he hadn't wanted what had happened, but it had hurt even more that Dean didn't know him well enough to stop. And Cas felt stupid for having played around with something so serious. No still should've meant no. There was never an excuse for that, but Cas knew their fun roleplay had opened the door to a dangerous situation.
Cas almost laughed hysterically into Gabe's shirt when he remembered his big brother's speech years ago, telling Cas that “no means no unless you're gettin' kinky, but then you use a fuckin' safeword.”
“I thought my first time with Dean going to be amazing,” Cas whispered into Gabe's shirt.
Gabe rubbed Cas' back. “It was. Because it made you realize something really fuckin' huge,” he said gently.
“Are you reading my mind again?” Cas asked with a smirk as he pulled back to look Gabe in the eye.
Gabe chuckled. “I just know you, kid.”
“I know,” Cas said with a smile. “Now will you tell me what Dean said?”
Gabe laughed. “The first one was from Dean, the second one was from Sam.”
Cas winced. “Sam's in on this now?”
Gabe nodded. “Yeah. Dean wants to know if you're okay, physically and mentally. He's asking me if I took you to a doctor because he's scared he hurt you.”
Cas' eyes widened. “He actually asked you that?”
Gabe grinned. “Yup. He risked the wrath of a big brother to make sure you were okay.”
Cas' smile was so big it made his cheeks hurt. “Is that all he said?”
“He also wants to know if he can come to our house and beg for your forgiveness after I beat the shit out of him,” Gabe said.
Cas snorted, rolling his eyes. “Okay, and what did Sam say?”
“Sam's freaking the fuck out,” Gabe said, shaking his head. “He knows the two of you are really close and Dean's freaking the fuck out, which makes Sam freak the fuck out.”
“That's what he said?” Cas asked with a smirk.
Gabe chuckled. “No. He wrote like five paragraphs of text. He wants to know if you're injured, if he can do anything to help, if he can beat the shit out of Dean for us, if there's any possibility you'd be willing to talk with Dean soon, and he also wants to know if I wanna kick his ass or is it just Dean that's getting his ass kicked.”
Cas' chest felt as if was going to explode. He knew Sam liked him, but he hadn't known he'd cared about him so much. “I want to talk to Dean,” Cas said confidently.
Gabe nodded. “Okay. Do you want some time to think about what you want to say or do you want to go now?”
“Should I think about it?” Cas asked, knowing Gabe had much more experience in relationships than he did.
“I think you should work things out as soon as possible,” Gabe said, “but I also think that you should do what's right for you. If you need some time, take it. Don't let anybody rush you.”
Gabe's phone chirped again and Cas nodded at Gabe's pocket. “You should probably let them know I'm not dying.”
“And also that neither of them is dying once I get to their house?” Gabe asked.
“Well, I wasn't sure if you'd taken that off the table,” he said with a smirk.
Gabe shrugged. “It all depends on Dean. If he's really sorry and doesn't try to blame you for it, then he might still be able to use all his fingers later tonight.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Cas thinking things over, and Gabriel giving his little brother the time he needed.
“Gabriel?” Cas said.
“Yeah?”
“I'm ready,” Cas said with confidence.
“Okay,” Gabe said with a nod, then started the car. He reached over and put his hand over Cas' while they drove back to Dean's house.
*
Sam opened the door. “Hey, guys,” he said awkwardly, glancing back and forth between Gabe and Cas.
Gabe nodded. “Hey,” he said tightly.
“Please come in,” Sam said, standing back and opening the door wide.
As Cas walked in, he saw Dean standing near the wall farthest from the door. His eyes were wide and he was shifting from one foot to the other and back.
“I told him to stand over there,” Sam said with a wince. “As you know, his normal way of dealing with something is to jump into the middle of it, but I told him you might not be ready for that.”
Cas nodded and smiled his thanks at Sam. He walked to Dean, keeping a three-foot distance between them. Dean didn't say anything, but it looked as if it was taking every ounce of effort to remain quiet.
“I also told him to shut the fuck up and let you start,” Sam said.
Cas looked Dean in the eye. “It was a misunderstanding, correct?” he asked, and Dean nodded enthusiastically. Cas nodded his understanding. “It can't be undone, but I don't want this to be the end of everything. Do you?”
Dean shook his head, his eyes welling up with tears. His hands were clenching into fists at his sides, then open again, as if he wanted to touch Cas, but was restraining himself.
“Okay,” Cas said with a nod, “you can say something if you want to.”
“Cas, I'm really, really, really sorry,” Dean said, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I'm not going to make excuses. I shouldn't have hurt you like that. And I want the chance to show you that I'd never willingly or knowingly hurt you. I don't deserve it, but you're standing here when I thought I'd never get to see you again, so I'm begging you. On my knees if I have to. And I don't care what Gabe wants to do to me. You can do whatever the Hell you want to me. Anything. Just, please, give me the chance to show you what you mean to me and how sorry I am for what I've done.”
Cas could see the fine tremors throughout Dean's body, the way his bottom lip was quivering, and he could hear the desperation in Dean's voice. Dean's walls were down in a way Cas had only glimpsed before now.
“I want to take things slow,” Cas said.
Dean nodded. “Anything. I won't even hold your hand or touch your shoulder unless you tell me I can.”
Cas shook his head. “I like the way you touch me. I don't want you to stop. I don't want you constantly questioning yourself or me. Some of the best times I've had have been with you on the couch, not really watching a movie because you're just staring at me or kissing me or talking to me. It's part of what I love about you.”
Dean huffed out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, it's part of what I lo-oh fuck!” he blurted, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping. “You do?” he asked quietly, hope in his voice along with a very fragile something that Cas couldn't put his finger on.
Cas nodded. “Yes. I do. And as my very awesome big brother pointed out, what happened may not be something that I ever wanted, but it did make me realize something really fuckin' huge.”
Dean froze, even holding his breath. Cas wondered what possibilities were going through Dean's head. “What's that?” he asked finally.
“That the reason it hurt so much was because I'd already fallen in love with you,” Cas said.
Dean made a soft noise, something that might have been a moan and a sob at the same time. “I'm so sorry, Cas,” Dean said again.
Cas nodded. “I know, but I care about you enough to work through this.”
“Okay,” Dean said, nodding spastically. “Thank you. I... You didn't have to do that. Thank you. Really.”
He gave Dean a small smile, then stepped toward Dean, closing the distance between them. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Dean, holding on even when Dean's body stiffened.
Cas huffed. “I'm going to let Gabe kick your ass unless you stop freaking out and hug me back.”
Dean let out a nervous chuckle, then his body started to relax as he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Cas. He pushed his nose through Cas' hair, like he always tended to do, then put his lips to Cas' left ear.
“I love you too, Cas,” he whispered, only for Cas to hear.
Cas smiled, then kissed Dean's neck. They stood there for a while, just holding each other. Cas smiled when he heard Gabe clear his throat, so they broke apart, standing side by side, but each of them still had one arm wrapped around the other.
“I'm going to do the big brother thing now,” Gabe said.
Dean's body went rigid again, but he didn't try to get away. “Okay,” he said with a nod.
“Even though I know you hate it,” Gabe said, pointing a finger at Dean, “we're all going to sit down and have a talk. We're going to talk about things that are uncomfortable, but I don't want to hear anyone complaining about it. Cas has never been in a relationship before, and from what I know about you, you've had flings, but never a serious relationship either.”
“Gabe and I both have more experience with relationships,” Sam said. “So we're going to go over some things with you because we love both of you and we want the best for you.”
Dean relaxed again. “Okay,” he said with a nod. “Are you still going to kick my ass?”
Gabe shook his head. “No. Not this time. But if you guys don't pay attention to either of us and shit like this happens again, I'll be kicking both your asses.”
Dean smiled. “It won't,” he said as he squeezed Cas' side.
Cas smiled back at Dean as they sat down on the couch to have an overdue discussion. Hopefully their brothers wouldn't make it too uncomfortable.
The End
