a good thing? uhm?
Mar. 20th, 2021 09:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mayalaenJust got a call out of the blue from my psych doc. She’s the one that takes care of my whole family and everyone in the family has given permission to talk freely with me so she tells me EVERYTHING.
P-doc was upset about my Aunt Carol losing weight too fast, but Carol is stubborn and ridiculous so I talked P-doc down from wanting to throw her into the hospital over it.
Carol is extremely frustrating.
Like I can’t even explain to you how frustrating this woman is. Of course the fact that she’s frustrating a P-doc who has worked in mental illness her entire career probably tells more than I could explain.
We then talked about how everybody else is doing, and by the end of the conversation the P-doc said, “I don’t mean this in an insulting way, I’m actually impressed, but I have absolutely no idea how your mental health is doing so well when your family is so, pardon my French, fucking batshit.”
I laughed and said yeah I’ve talked about that with my mom and Charlie, and they say in a tongue-in-cheek way that my family is actually the reason I’m doing so well because I’m distracted away from my own issues and have something else to focus on.
She did a big belly laugh at that and was like yeah well I dunno about that, but whatever it is I’m really happy you’re doing so well.
She had 1 toxic family member -- her brother. She had to cut him out of her life about 12 years ago, and it was hard, but after a while she realized how amazing life is without that toxicity, and she and her mom are SO MUCH happier without him around. Seriously, like this dude almost literally killed them multiple times, is bipolar and won’t take medication or get help, is into drugs, guns, illegal shit, etc.
But I told her yeah I’ve thought about what it would be like to just leave my whole family behind. Told her I’ve wondered what it would feel like to have all of this just GONE from my life.
She said yeah I’m not saying you DON’T have schizophrenia, but it’s gotta mess with your head wondering sometimes if you actually do have it because your family is so intense you’ve gotta wonder if they’re the entire cause.
I said yeah every once in a while I wonder if all my symptoms are my family, but some of the symptoms can’t be blamed on them, like my lack of social skills and connections to humans and communication difficulties. Those things wouldn’t be changed by them being gone even if the psychosis went away completely.
She said yeah that she wasn’t trying to trip me out and wasn’t suggesting I DIDN’T have it, more she just worried that I was thinking that.
I was like nah, I know there’s something fundamentally different about my brain - I don’t doubt that, but I do wonder what I’d be like and if I could possibly get rid of psychosis for the most part without constant family insanity.
Maybe one of these days I’ll find out :D
P-doc was upset about my Aunt Carol losing weight too fast, but Carol is stubborn and ridiculous so I talked P-doc down from wanting to throw her into the hospital over it.
Carol is extremely frustrating.
Like I can’t even explain to you how frustrating this woman is. Of course the fact that she’s frustrating a P-doc who has worked in mental illness her entire career probably tells more than I could explain.
We then talked about how everybody else is doing, and by the end of the conversation the P-doc said, “I don’t mean this in an insulting way, I’m actually impressed, but I have absolutely no idea how your mental health is doing so well when your family is so, pardon my French, fucking batshit.”
I laughed and said yeah I’ve talked about that with my mom and Charlie, and they say in a tongue-in-cheek way that my family is actually the reason I’m doing so well because I’m distracted away from my own issues and have something else to focus on.
She did a big belly laugh at that and was like yeah well I dunno about that, but whatever it is I’m really happy you’re doing so well.
She had 1 toxic family member -- her brother. She had to cut him out of her life about 12 years ago, and it was hard, but after a while she realized how amazing life is without that toxicity, and she and her mom are SO MUCH happier without him around. Seriously, like this dude almost literally killed them multiple times, is bipolar and won’t take medication or get help, is into drugs, guns, illegal shit, etc.
But I told her yeah I’ve thought about what it would be like to just leave my whole family behind. Told her I’ve wondered what it would feel like to have all of this just GONE from my life.
She said yeah I’m not saying you DON’T have schizophrenia, but it’s gotta mess with your head wondering sometimes if you actually do have it because your family is so intense you’ve gotta wonder if they’re the entire cause.
I said yeah every once in a while I wonder if all my symptoms are my family, but some of the symptoms can’t be blamed on them, like my lack of social skills and connections to humans and communication difficulties. Those things wouldn’t be changed by them being gone even if the psychosis went away completely.
She said yeah that she wasn’t trying to trip me out and wasn’t suggesting I DIDN’T have it, more she just worried that I was thinking that.
I was like nah, I know there’s something fundamentally different about my brain - I don’t doubt that, but I do wonder what I’d be like and if I could possibly get rid of psychosis for the most part without constant family insanity.
Maybe one of these days I’ll find out :D