it's really not an attack

[mayalaen]

My dad is really hard to talk to. Always has been. This morning he was complaining (for the millionth time) that he couldn’t sleep. He sleeps a lot, but he wants it to be 11pm to 7am, and the older a person gets, that’s just not possible anymore. He’s 74.

So he was grumbling away and (because my mom and I have a ton of issues with sleep and we just deal with it) we started suggesting things to do instead of rolling around in bed being frustrated about it. You know, like sleep when you can but if you can’t sleep, rolling around in bed will only upset you.

We suggested cleaning his room or bathroom, dusting and vacuuming the house, getting some kind of hobby, hanging out with friends, getting new friends. But of course everything we say is an attack, so he sat up and said, “I didn’t know this was going to be a tune-up session!”

Instead of trying to smooth it over or explain yet again that not everything we say is an attack (especially when we were trying to help him), I just said, “I guess we’re not talking,” and I got up and started clearing the table.

He then turned on his sugary ‘let’s pretend that never happened and be a cute puppy’ thing and started asking me what I’m doing today. I ignored him, but he said it again.

So I said, “I thought you didn’t want to talk,” as I continued cleaning the kitchen.

He stormed out.

I try to keep things civil. We all have to live here, and I don’t want it to be a hostile living situation. The two of us don’t get along for many reasons, not the least of which is how he treats my mom.

But it’s hard to keep things civil when anything said to him even in a daily conversation is considered an attack on him, and anything he actually wants to talk about that’s “safe” are his physical problems (like sleep, food, bathroom habits that are disgusting), negative shit about everyone ever, and complaining about how hard his life is. He doesn’t want conversations. He wants someone to just listen and validate everything he says. Never wants to hear about anybody else.

Oh, and don’t be fooled by the “what are you doing today?” question he had for me. He didn’t really want to know. He was getting ready to ignore whatever I was going to say so he could tell me what he was going to do and how awful his life is.

He’s always been in this awful grey area where he’s not horrible enough that my mom would leave him, but he’s never even remotely pleasant to be around.

Comments

[maqcyloup]

ah that sounds shit Maya :/ i'm sorry you have to put up with that