That's Not an Apology

[mayalaen]

My dad is the type of person who doesn’t apologize. He’ll say “I’m sorry you feel that way” or he’ll just buy me something. He’s always done that.

Growing up it bothered me, but once I had my big psychotic break at 25 years old and my personality completely changed, I stopped expecting him to apologize or care about my wants or needs and I stopped letting him hurt me so much. Sure, stuff still hurts, but I don’t let him in like I used to.

Recently he pulled something that REALLY pissed me off. Something I’ve been trying to work with him on for well over a year and has to do with my mom’s (his own WIFE) health and safety regarding her seizures. It’s a small thing on his part (making sure she gets her seizure rescue meds as quickly as possible), yet he just wouldn’t do it.

After the last time he did it and I knew I had 5 days of helping my mom recover from a seizure because she had seizure activity for 8 straight hours when if he would’ve given her the medication like he was supposed to she would’ve recovered in less than 24 hours, I was done letting it go. So I went off on him pretty hard.

I didn’t need to apologize for any of it. I didn’t even say anything hurtful or attack him in any way. I was just VERY firm with what he was doing to my mom by not giving her seizure meds and told him that if he couldn’t do this ONE thing, it would always be a huge burden on me and the entire rest of my family.

I had to go to the grocery store on the way home after work that day, and they happened to have a sale on a bunch of cookies and sweets that he likes, so I bought a ton.

I think he expected an apology and/or forgiveness when I got home, but there was no way I was apologizing or forgiving him. Instead I took the treats into his room and set them on his desk, much the same way he’s always done for me.

The look on his face as I walked out of the room and for the next few days was priceless. I don’t know if he’d never had that done to him before, but he really didn’t like it.

For a few weeks after, he’s been very cautious around me and has tried to say a few things to try and get an explanation or a change in what I originally said or an apology out of me or forgiveness from me, but I don’t acknowledge it at all and either change the subject or just look him in the eye and say “yup” if he complains about what I said.

I don’t think this will change his behavior, but it’s definitely firmed my resolve and solidified the wall I have up to guard myself from him. My mom also got a huge kick out of it :D