happy things

One of my favorite things to do is obvious stupid teasing.

Like yesterday when I was ordering a new cushion for my mom’s chair and I was like okay do you want it delivered for free on 09/07, for $30 on $09/02, or $60 on 09/01?

I know she wants free. We’re cheap and patient. But I completely ignore her when she says “free.”

“Sixty dollars? Are you sure? Do we really need it THAT fast?”

“FREE!!”

“Oh, you wanted it in time for your anniversary. Okay, $60 is worth it, I guess.”

“You heard me say free. Free shipping. I’ll wait.”

“Wait. What? Sixty is too much so you’ll take the expedited $30 shipping?”

“MAYA I WANT IT FREE”

“Oh, okay. I misheard you. Sixty it is.”

“MAYA”

“Personally I think that’s a lot of money for shipping, but you’re the boss.”

“MAYA”

“Sounds like a pretty spoiled, privileged thing to do -- spending $60 on shipping to get a cushion within 2 days, but it’s not my place to say.”

“FREE”

“Okay I finished paying for it. You should get a confirmation email soon. And the package will be here on the 1st.”

“I WANTED FREE SHIPPING”

“Oh! You should’ve said something! Too late now!”

While my dad tries and fails to ignore us on the couch. “You guys are ridiculous.”

Because we both know I’m teasing. It’s stupid. But by the end we’re always both laughing and my dad is rolling his eyes and wondering why he comes out of his room ever.