(no subject)

For several weeks now I’ve been editing both the original fic version and the SPN version of CON ‘verse. Figured I might as well since I was gathering examples for the places that wanted proof of plagiarized stuff.

Over the last few days I went from editing to writing before I realized what I was doing because it just started flowing.

I checked last night and I’m at 20k words added to the fic in just the last 3 days, and I was like AWESOME I’m writing!!!

I couldn’t sleep more than 2 hours last night, so I got up and was messing around on the computer. I started looking at my old houses on Zillow and Google Maps, and Maps recently updated their photos.

The houses looked so bad that I started to cry. Wasn’t sure why. I’m not a nostalgic person, but they were impressively bad compared to just a few years ago. I grew up in shitty neighborhoods to begin with, but damn it’s like everybody’s not just letting things go but actively making it worse.

I got so upset that I went back to bed and I’m like why am I crying over this!?

Then I remembered how much I’d been writing and was like oh yeah I’m depressed that’s why the writing is flowing so well.

Ugh. Why can’t I be doing well AND write?! It’s been like this all my life!

I guess that shows how well I’ve been doing over the last 2-3 years AND how shitty I’ve been the last few months. Didn’t realize I was quite this bad.

But I’m writing! I missed writing sooooo bad!!