actual conversation with my mom just now

[mayalaen]

me: this site has a recipe for tempeh. what’s tempeh?

mom: i don’t know scroll down and read the description to me

me: it’s made of soy beans

mom: but how?

me: *gesturing to the instructions* prick holes

mom: what?

me: prick holes!

mom: nO HOW DO YOU MAKE IT!

me: prick. holes.

mom: what does prick holes mean?

me: prick. holes. in the bag of soy beans.

mom: *smacking my shoulder* you’re a prick hole!

me: *giggling* you’re a penis wrinkle!

mom: *doubling over laughing* YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME PEE MY PANTS STAHPIT!!