Tumblr Post: Anon Asks About Me Part 3
May. 24th, 2015 07:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mayalaenAnonymous Asked: Well from the way you described yourself you sound beautiful! :) I just read your post about your schizophrenia, it all sounds so interesting! I'm sorry if that sounds rude, saying your life and something you go through that might be troubling sounds interesting :/ I used to intern at a retirement home I met an elderly lady there who was schizophrenic but she didn't seem to be able to tell what was real and what wasn't, one time she made me chase away giant rats that she said were on the floor.
Reply below the cut.
Thank you! And hehe - no, it’s not rude. At least not to me. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t take myself too seriously. It takes a lot to offend me. And it’s human nature to be curious. I’m curious myself when it comes to people who are able to trust that what they see and hear is always, 100% truly there. That must be amazing!
I’ve considered writing a book about my experiences and what it’s like. I know a lot of schizophrenics have a hard time organizing their thoughts, so writing is difficult. Art amongst us tends to be more painting, sculpting, music, etc. Then there’s a whole bunch of us who are way too paranoid to break ourselves open for the world to see, so writing a book and not giving a shit if people read it? That’s a little scary, but I don’t think I’d have as much of a problem with it as most.
I love the giant rats story! It’s kinda cute, especially if you went ahead and did it for her. That’s sweet. With people who can’t be self-aware, there’s not much you can do but go along with it. But for the high-functioning among us, it’s great to have people you can mostly trust (we’re REALLY not the trusting sort) around you, who you can turn to and ask, “so… did anybody else see the giant rats running through here?” and do your best to trust that when they say no, the answer is, in reality, no.
A lot of times I can tell what’s real or not just from the fact that no one around me (even my dog) reacts to the things I’m seeing, hearing, smelling, etc. Also if one of my senses contradicts another, I know to question it, such as when I see a smooth surface, but it feels bumpy - I know something’s not right. When I get a strong taste of strawberries in my mouth, but I don’t see any strawberries - I know something’s not right. When I feel a warm spot on the carpet with my foot, but I can’t feel it with my hand - I know something’s not right.
But there are times when I ask, and it’s a relief to be able to ask and people just laugh and say no, act interested in what I saw or heard so they can turn it into an enjoyable experience instead of crying or getting depressed over everything that a lot of people would look at as devastating or horrific to deal with. I don’t want to do that. I want to be a positive person. And laughing about a lot of this shit has kept me as sane as possible :)
~Maya
Reply below the cut.
Thank you! And hehe - no, it’s not rude. At least not to me. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t take myself too seriously. It takes a lot to offend me. And it’s human nature to be curious. I’m curious myself when it comes to people who are able to trust that what they see and hear is always, 100% truly there. That must be amazing!
I’ve considered writing a book about my experiences and what it’s like. I know a lot of schizophrenics have a hard time organizing their thoughts, so writing is difficult. Art amongst us tends to be more painting, sculpting, music, etc. Then there’s a whole bunch of us who are way too paranoid to break ourselves open for the world to see, so writing a book and not giving a shit if people read it? That’s a little scary, but I don’t think I’d have as much of a problem with it as most.
I love the giant rats story! It’s kinda cute, especially if you went ahead and did it for her. That’s sweet. With people who can’t be self-aware, there’s not much you can do but go along with it. But for the high-functioning among us, it’s great to have people you can mostly trust (we’re REALLY not the trusting sort) around you, who you can turn to and ask, “so… did anybody else see the giant rats running through here?” and do your best to trust that when they say no, the answer is, in reality, no.
A lot of times I can tell what’s real or not just from the fact that no one around me (even my dog) reacts to the things I’m seeing, hearing, smelling, etc. Also if one of my senses contradicts another, I know to question it, such as when I see a smooth surface, but it feels bumpy - I know something’s not right. When I get a strong taste of strawberries in my mouth, but I don’t see any strawberries - I know something’s not right. When I feel a warm spot on the carpet with my foot, but I can’t feel it with my hand - I know something’s not right.
But there are times when I ask, and it’s a relief to be able to ask and people just laugh and say no, act interested in what I saw or heard so they can turn it into an enjoyable experience instead of crying or getting depressed over everything that a lot of people would look at as devastating or horrific to deal with. I don’t want to do that. I want to be a positive person. And laughing about a lot of this shit has kept me as sane as possible :)
~Maya