mayalaen | (no subject)

Dad still won’t stop touching his nipples and he keeps asking about things to put on them to make them feel better even though we’ve told him the reason they’re achy and swollen and red is because he won’t stop touching.

Last night he texted: Can I put Vicks Vaporub on them?

I turned to my mom and said “How about ketchup? It’s about as reasonable as Vicks so let’s suggest ketchup.”

She cracked up and was like “If you don’t stop I’m gonna text this conversation to my best friend.”

I said “In that case, add some relish.”

Her friend laughed so hard her husband couldn’t even understand what she was saying as she tried to tell him why she was laughing so hard.