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Tumblr Post: Anon Ask About Me Part 2
Anonymous Asked: Wow ok first I want to thank you for sharing that with me (us) and I have to admit that when I first started reading your response I felt a little sorry for you but its pretty clear that you have your life more figured out than I do, you own a freaking business and I think it's cool that you use your focus for writing. I wish I knew more about schizophrenia but I'm pretty clueless, it sounds like you have a great family. I admire you for being so open about everything. Thank you! :)
My reply below the cut.
Thanks. My 20s weren’t easy, but once I hit my 30s, life has been a lot easier with regard to my schizophrenia. And I’ve heard from many doctors and other schizophrenics that the 40s are pretty awesome because you’ve finally figured out mostly how your brain works and what to do when, most of the signs, etc.
I do have an awesome family. I couldn’t have asked for better. And I like to be open about it because I think most people don’t know much about it other than the media using it whenever there’s a mass killing by someone. Most schizophrenics aren’t violent, but those who are get the media coverage.
Of course it’s different for everyone, but as far as mine goes, I have hallucinations with all my senses. I don’t have strong visual hallucinations, so movies like A Beautiful Mind don’t quite show what I deal with. I don’t talk to people who aren’t there. Mine is more auditory and touch. Surfaces may have a bumpy texture, but I’ll feel a wavy texture, and it doesn’t last for long. I’ll feel hot or cold spots on the floor while I’m walking. A common auditory hallucination for me is the radio playing in the kitchen. I don’t have a radio out there :D And also things tend to echo, or they’re on a split second delay, which makes being in a large group of people extra noisy, but I don’t have that most of the time.
It’s difficult not being able to trust my own mind, but I’ve never experienced anything except that. I feel bad for people who develop schizophrenia in their 20s (which is when it develops for most people). That must be horrible to have always been able to trust their mind, and suddenly it turns on them. I’ve had a lifetime to experience this. And when I’m in public, I don’t react to things that I think might be coming from my own brain, which means I can go to the store without people realizing I’m schizophrenic. It’s not until people get to know me and I let my guard down that they realize I’m schizophrenic, and even then it takes me telling them I am.
I’ve never been hospitalized for it, but I have been on tons of different medications. Most of which I stopped about five years ago because of the damage they were doing with little benefit. I’m drug resistant anyway, so why not just deal with everything and try to be as happy as I can?
It also helps that there are a lot of people in my family who have mental illness. Some don’t, but there’s bipolar, BPD, depression, OCD, schizophrenia, TBI, and alcohol/drug problems in quite a lot of family members from both sides. When I came along, it wasn’t something bizarre or terrifying to my family. They just dealt with it. In fact I wasn’t on medication until I was in my teens and had my second psychotic break, which I thank my parents for because it allowed me to get to an age where I could decide how much I could handle myself versus how much I needed medication to help with it.
Also remember that this is all from the viewpoint of a high-functioning schizophrenic. We can organize our thoughts better, have better reasoning skills, and we tend to NOT believe hallucinations. There aren’t many high-functioning schizophrenics out there, but again, most of us are still non-violent, though we are a bit odd, and we’re known for having almost NO tact whatsoever :D
~Maya
My reply below the cut.
Thanks. My 20s weren’t easy, but once I hit my 30s, life has been a lot easier with regard to my schizophrenia. And I’ve heard from many doctors and other schizophrenics that the 40s are pretty awesome because you’ve finally figured out mostly how your brain works and what to do when, most of the signs, etc.
I do have an awesome family. I couldn’t have asked for better. And I like to be open about it because I think most people don’t know much about it other than the media using it whenever there’s a mass killing by someone. Most schizophrenics aren’t violent, but those who are get the media coverage.
Of course it’s different for everyone, but as far as mine goes, I have hallucinations with all my senses. I don’t have strong visual hallucinations, so movies like A Beautiful Mind don’t quite show what I deal with. I don’t talk to people who aren’t there. Mine is more auditory and touch. Surfaces may have a bumpy texture, but I’ll feel a wavy texture, and it doesn’t last for long. I’ll feel hot or cold spots on the floor while I’m walking. A common auditory hallucination for me is the radio playing in the kitchen. I don’t have a radio out there :D And also things tend to echo, or they’re on a split second delay, which makes being in a large group of people extra noisy, but I don’t have that most of the time.
It’s difficult not being able to trust my own mind, but I’ve never experienced anything except that. I feel bad for people who develop schizophrenia in their 20s (which is when it develops for most people). That must be horrible to have always been able to trust their mind, and suddenly it turns on them. I’ve had a lifetime to experience this. And when I’m in public, I don’t react to things that I think might be coming from my own brain, which means I can go to the store without people realizing I’m schizophrenic. It’s not until people get to know me and I let my guard down that they realize I’m schizophrenic, and even then it takes me telling them I am.
I’ve never been hospitalized for it, but I have been on tons of different medications. Most of which I stopped about five years ago because of the damage they were doing with little benefit. I’m drug resistant anyway, so why not just deal with everything and try to be as happy as I can?
It also helps that there are a lot of people in my family who have mental illness. Some don’t, but there’s bipolar, BPD, depression, OCD, schizophrenia, TBI, and alcohol/drug problems in quite a lot of family members from both sides. When I came along, it wasn’t something bizarre or terrifying to my family. They just dealt with it. In fact I wasn’t on medication until I was in my teens and had my second psychotic break, which I thank my parents for because it allowed me to get to an age where I could decide how much I could handle myself versus how much I needed medication to help with it.
Also remember that this is all from the viewpoint of a high-functioning schizophrenic. We can organize our thoughts better, have better reasoning skills, and we tend to NOT believe hallucinations. There aren’t many high-functioning schizophrenics out there, but again, most of us are still non-violent, though we are a bit odd, and we’re known for having almost NO tact whatsoever :D
~Maya