Jun. 10th, 2015 10:40 pm
mayalaen: (Default)
I don’t like kids. I don’t wish harm upon them, let’s get that straight!

But I’m schizophrenic, my senses go into overdrive when little things happen, and I don’t have much control over it. Something that without fail sets my sensory issues off? Kids’ squeaky little voices, especially when they scream.

Since there aren’t any child-free restaurants (even sports bars), I know it’s a necessary evil if I feel like eating out, but I calmly and quietly ask the waiter/waitress to seat me where there’s no children (and you wouldn’t believe how many people have given me the stink-eye for this) and I know I have to put up with a certain amount of squeaky voices in the restaurant.

Again, I don’t wish evil on kids. I know they can’t help but have squeaky little voices and they’re excitable. However, that doesn’t mean parents have to be assholes and let them run around screaming, knocking into other people, or just ignore them while they wail at the table.

Tonight I sat there with a family behind me (the waitress ignored my request). Father, mother, and a 3 or 4-year old girl. Not only did the little girl scream at the top of her lungs many, many times throughout her dinner, but the father SCREAMED ALONG WITH HER as if he thought it was funny.

I’m not fucking kidding. He actually whined and screamed, then would laugh. She’d start up again, he’d start up, and the two would laugh at each other and start all over again.

My heart was racing, I had tunnel vision, was sweating, and my skin got oversensitized. Even the air around me hurt my skin. They didn’t come in until I was halfway through my meal, so I figured I’d just hurry up and eat, shove it down my throat, then get the hell outta there.

But the waitress took forever to bring me the check, so I sat there trying not to freak the fuck out and run through the place screaming and crying. The idea of getting in trouble for running out on the check (or the waitress THINKING I was doing that) is enough for yet another anxiety attack.

I’d like to know what parents are thinking when they do this. I don’t expect everyone to cater to me. I’m schizophrenic. Big woop. Poor me. Blah, blah. But no one in that restaurant was enjoying the screaming. Does something change inside parents’ heads? Like some switch that says ‘my kid can do this because she’s cute and everyone will think it’s adorable’?!?

I don’t go out very often because of this. I go out late at night on weekday nights so I miss most of the families. And if I’m already having sensory issues, I don’t even think about going out to eat. But I was doing okay tonight. Until the screaming kid, I was having a good time.

What the fuck is wrong with people?!

I’m still oversensitized. It’ll last all night, and my hallucinations will ramp up for the night. So thank you, anonymous asshole father who thought his kid was the cutest thing ever. I won’t sleep tonight, I’ll have raging hallucinations all night, my skin will hurt every time a little bit of air runs across my skin, my ears will be sore with even small noises, even mild light will hurt my eyes, and my heart will still race for a while, but that’s okay, because you got to have fun eating at a restaurant with your kid.

mayalaen: (Default)
I’d really appreciate it if people would tag their animal abuse posts. Please! I can’t filter them otherwise. I know animal abuse is out there. I don’t need it shoved in my face and depressing me for days, the graphic pictures and videos stuck in my head.

I give to charities that help abused animals, we had a dog for 12 years that was abused and we rescued her, I don’t abuse animals myself, and I’ve even called animal rescue on people who abused animals in my neighborhood.

I don’t need someone to tell me it exists, to force me to be aware. I know it exists. Stop shoving it in my face.

I don’t want to unfollow people because of it, but it’s too depressing to just keep watching it as I scroll through my feed FOR PLEASURE. Ya know, fandom? That place where I go to get away from the horrible realities of life? I’ve unfriended family members on Facebook for the same reason.

I’ll never get the video of a cat being tortured to death from a friend’s feed on Facebook out of my head. A video that automatically played on my browser! My friend said he did it to force awareness, but I don’t need that in my head. Not when I’m not even part of the problem. I’m on Tumblr for fun, not to sit there and cry over something I can’t even stop.

from Tumblr

mayalaen: (black)
So I'm 2 months into posting fic for the first time since I tried and freaked out nearly 10 years ago because I didn't have thick skin.

Do I have a thicker skin now?


i suck.

mayalaen: (Default)
So I'm 2 months into posting fic for the first time since I tried and freaked out nearly 10 years ago because I didn't have thick skin.

Do I have a thicker skin now?


i suck.

mayalaen: (Default)
I hate it when I set the alarm on my phone, but (as usual) wake up before it goes off, and then I forget to shut the alarm off, so my phone happily tries to wake me up.

It kinda feels like the phone's saying, "Haha! I would've let you sleep until just now had you not had trouble sleeping!"

mayalaen: (Default)

Why do they keep fucking with good systems!?! Diigo... why!?!

I tried to stay with Delicious, hoping they'd realize their horrible mistakes, fix them. They didn't, so I abandoned them in 2011. I moved everything to Diigo, and recently have been adding everything to Evernote just in case Diigo pulled a Delicious. Though I'm not done with adding everything to Evernote.

Well, Diigo did a facelift last night. I groaned when I saw it, not because it was fugly (and it's not actually fugly, just lighter colors and not as easy to read), but because I knew they fucked with things.

I tried out a few things (breathing a small sigh of relief when all of my shit was still there). I even sorta liked how the search engine now lights up your search words in different colors.

Their Library page is now a bit more messy with "features," but everything looked okay, so I went to bed. Woke up this morning, tried to search for something, and found out that all of my bookmarks that had an ampersand now have the code for the ampersand instead of &.

Okay... that pisses me off enough. It fucks up searches and makes for messy-looking pages -- not the end of the world, but very aggravating. The coding must be a little off because editing a bookmark still brings up a box with an ampersand in it, so whatever.

Then I start to use the exact word/phrase search. And, hmm... it's not working. Sure it looks for the exact phrase in your bookmark description, and it even lights it up in pretty colors, but it's not searching the titles of the bookmarks.

It'll search the titles when you DON'T use exact word/phrase search, but not when you do use exact word/phrase search. Yeah, no one would ever have wanted to use that feature!

They've also changed the way you view your tags and the tag counts, which makes it so that you can't see the counts of all the individual tags when you search for more than one tag at a time.

What the fuck was wrong with the old way!?! I'm so sick of "improvements" and changing for the sake of change in computer programming. If you wanna look all spiffy and shiny new, change the artwork a bit. Don't fuck with the programming when it works!!!

And they'd like me to pay for other features (which they've always wanted), but then they change stupid shit like this. Why should I pay for something that can be changed without any notice!?!

I'm probably ranting about all this and either I did something wrong with the searches (so it's my fault) or they're in the process of upgrading and I jumped the gun.

I'm just pissed. I have over 5000 bookmarks that are very detailed and I've worked hard on them. And I have the bookmarks in the first place because what I'm bookmarking is for fun and something I do to unwind, which is reading.

I've wanted badly to move to Pinboard for about two years now. It's not the amount of money that's keeping me from buying an account. It's the fact that I've kept this name/account/email address as separate from my personal life as I could for years now, and I don't want it linked in any way. I pay for it with my credit card, this name gets linked.


(Crossposted from LJ)

About Me

Maya (37 & AroPan)
Requests & Inbox Open

supernatural - ats/btvs
sga - wentworth - x-files

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