mayalaen: (Default)
2025-01-01 11:30 am
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[sticky entry] Sticky: Master List of Fic

Master List

There are warnings and kink lists on each of my fics. I warn for everything I can think of, so keep them in mind before deciding to read any of my fic. I don't tag my posts for kinks, but I have a full list of kinks under a spoiler tag at the top of each fic.

Master List )
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-07-21 11:29 am

Update on Evan

I went to visit Evan last night. He's doing REALLY well. His left eye is horribly bloodshot, but he's already able to see out of it even though he had an orbital bone fracture.

They did a surgery Monday to place some mesh to stabilize the bone, and he's wearing a patch to rest the eye, but he can already see out of it, which is pretty awesome only a few days out from an orbital fracture. It's a little blurry, but already improving. His right toe was broken, but they set it and he's not having any pain from it. His recent incision (knee surgery) opened back up in the accident, but no other damage was done to that right knee!

His left hip is fractured in multiple places, and day before yesterday they did another surgery to put in a plate and screws, which was very successful, and yesterday he was able to transfer himself from the bed to the recliner, which was what they were waiting for him to do before allowing him to move to a rehab center, so he should be moving in the next few days as soon as it's all arranged. It was a 100-mile round trip to go see him, so hopefully he'll get moved soon!

He's in pain, but he's a very stubborn kind of guy who has a very strong will, so he's already doing more than they said he could do and he's ready to hit rehab hard!

He explained the accident to us and it was very odd. One of those freak things. He was on a highway going 75-80 (speed limit is 75 even on 2-lane highways here) and a pick-up truck towing an SUV was going the opposite way. The cable let loose on the SUV and it went across the median.

Evan had the choice between hurting other people or just hurting himself, so he stomped on the brakes instead of veering into oncoming traffic or going into the other lane going his way and sideswiping the other vehicles going his way. He didn't have much time to slow down and the SUV heading for him was going pretty fast too, so his car is totaled.

One cool thing about all of this is that he has been having trouble with a pinched nerve in his neck ever since he had the knee surgery. It was causing the right ring and pinkie fingers to go numb and causing pain all throughout the arm and neck. Ryan and I were joking the other day that it would be cool if the accident fixed that, so I asked Evan about it, and would you believe the accident fixed the pinched nerve? He can feel his fingers again and there's no tightness or pain in his arm or neck!

They expect him to be in rehab for a couple weeks, and for a week or two after that they want him to take it easy, but he's claiming he's going to be back to work in 8 days. Stubborn dork :D
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-07-17 08:50 pm
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Please Stop Getting Into Accidents, Guys!!!

Evan called me from the hospital today. He was in a car accident yesterday. He broken his left orbital bone (the bone around your eyeball), fractured his hip (I can’t remember which one) in multiple places, reopened his recently closed incision on his knee (he had surgery on both knees, the left one more recently), and totalled his car.

His phone was destroyed, so he called me on his girlfriend’s phone and she later sent me pics of the car, which… it looked so awful it made my stomach clench. Head-on collision. Evan was not at fault.

He’ll be in the hospital for a week, will need multiple surgeries, and after that he will go to rehab for a week or two.

His girlfriend was worried I’d kick him out and rent his space out to somebody else, so I reassured her that he’s awesome and there’s no way I would do that.

So not only have we got Ash, who was in that horrific accident last year, and now we have Evan doing major damage, but last weekend Ryan’s girlfriend’s father was killed instantly when a drunk driver (with many previous DUIs) hit him from behind at a stop light going 100 miles per hour, so Ryan and his girlfriend will be busy all week setting up funeral arrangements.

Could my guys please stop getting into accidents? My blood pressure would appreciate it! We’re going up to see Evan tomorrow, and I know Ash was heading up to see him tonight. Evan said he’ll send me “really cool pics” of what happened, which means he thinks what happened to his body looks cool and gory, so he’s going to gleefully send me pics :D

It’ll match the pic Ash’s girlfriend sent me of him in the hospital last year with his hands only attached by some ligaments and his torso open to the air from the top of his sternum to the top of his pubic area.

I don’t need any more for my photo album! My guys can stop getting hurt now, please!!
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-07-17 07:27 pm

Methods of Treatment

I have drug-resistant Paranoid Schizophrenia, and I hallucinate with all five (and more) senses. Drug/Treatment-Resistant means that medications like antipsychotics don't stop my hallucinations. In fact, in my case they actually make them worse.

I'm self-aware and high-functioning, but I have psychotic episodes that will last a long time if not treated, the longest being 5 years. When I have psychotic episodes, I tend to switch to Catatonic Schizophrenia, which isn't quite what it sounds like, and if you'd like more information, please click on the link.

I've been on more medications than I can count over the years, but the last time I compiled a list, it was over 40. At times I was on as many as 9 different medications at one time, none of which helped much, and most of which made me worse in some way and caused intolerable side effects such as brain and nerve damage, hypersomnolence, and many others.

So I went in search of alternative treatments, the first of which being something I've been on for 8 years now, which is Wellbutrin/bupropion. It's an SNRI (not an SSRI), and after doing a lot of research and for various reasons (which I'll probably go into more detail about at a later date), I decided it would work, and it did once I found a psych doc willing to prescribe it to me. Keep in mind this is a medication doctors WILL NOT normally prescribe schizophrenics! Yet it has worked wonders on me.

However, it didn't stop me from having breakthrough psychotic episodes -- about 1-2 per year. So about a year ago I started my search again.

For a few months now, I've been using THC gummies/edibles as a treatment for my schizophrenia. THC is a natural antipsychotic, antianxiolytic, and has many good properties. Read This Article to see some studies about it.

I've tried everything from 2.5mg all the way up to 120mg of THC per dose. For reference, the average joint is anywhere from 10-50mg (they may say there's more THC in there, but only 10-50mg is actually ingested).

In that time I've learned some things about how THC effects schizophrenia, anxiety, paranoia, psychosis, hallucinations, and daily life.

First of all and most important to me, there's no obvious nerve damage and so far there hasn't been evidence of brain damage even in studies where ridiculously high amounts of THC was used, including 1000-1200mg of THC per dose given daily.

Second, it's the only thing that has stopped my hallucinations. Within 1.5 hours, even at my worst, THC stops all hallucinations. It brings my paranoia level down to almost none. My cognitive function is greatly improved, as is my concentration and memory. My auditory processing improves, and my social skills improve slightly as well.

My sleep patterns improve, and instead of sleeping anywhere from 1-5 hours a night or not sleeping at all for days at a time, my sleep pattern regulates somewhat and I get a regular 5-6 hours at roughly the same time every night.

My clumsiness improves, my facial expressions improve (schizophrenics tend to lack facial expressions and gestures), and my ability to tolerate noises and humans improves greatly, especially children.

The only problem I'm seeing so far is that I can't stay high 24/7. I own a business, and it takes a lot of my time and mental energy, so I've been taking about 30mg of THC on Saturday night (the first night of my weekend) only. I'm not able to drive or work on this dosage, but it only lasts for about 18 hours, so by the time I need to get errands and household chores done on Monday, I'm completely sober again.

This brings up another issue. Something I didn't expect, but really should have. I've had schizophrenia since I was 2 years old, and I became accustomed to hallucinations very early on. I'm self-aware, and most of the time I can tell the difference between a hallucination and reality. The times I can't, friends and family are awesome enough to let me ask and they'll calmly inform me whether what I'm seeing/hearing/tasting/smelling/feeling is real or not.

But in the 18 or so hours I don't have hallucinations due to the THC in my body, I get used to a lack of hallucinations way too quickly. That means that when it wears off, I have a hard time acclimating to the hallucinations coming back. I'm more jumpy, I "forget" to ignore the noises/voices, and it takes me a day or two to get used to it again. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a concern.

In the six months I've been using THC on and off, I haven't had a psychotic episode, and it has twice stopped one from coming on. I had all the symptoms of one coming on (noticed by me, my family, my friends) and yet after one dose, it backed off to normal levels. Previously I had to use 8-week courses of antipsychotics to "reset" my brain and stop the psychotic episode.

The medical community doesn't want to look at THC as an alternative treatment. They won't even consider the fact that antipsychotics aren't the best treatment for schizophrenia. They use medications that cause brain and nerve damage just because they don't know what else to do with us, and they feel the damage is worth the risk.

That means research into alternative treatments suffers, and that means medications aren't being produced that take advantage of these findings. Instead schizophrenics are being heavily medicated until they're drooling. On the other hand, many schizophrenics refuse to take any medication at all because the only things offered to them are more horrible to them than the disease itself, so they're left suffering through whatever symptoms they have to deal with on a daily basis.

Hallucinations don't upset me. I've lived with them all my life. My goal isn't to rid myself of them, and I couldn't care less if someone feels it's not "acceptable" and I should be medicated so they don't have to be exposed to it. My concern is cutting down on psychotic episodes and making my life more stable and easier to manage.

What I've found so far is working, and I hope one day soon the medical community takes the stick out of their ass and does something about making THC or the properties of it into a medical treatment somehow, especially one that doesn't get people high so they can work and play the way they want to.
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-04-20 04:55 pm
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I Kinda Wanna Sleep Forever

I don’t like to brag, but in order to fill you in on everything it’s kinda gonna have to sound like bragging here.

Within the first two years of business, I had put two of the biggest tattoo supply shops in the state out of business.

More recently, we’ve put another three smaller shops out of business and two more that had just opened and were struggling for a few months gave up and closed.

Our current two biggest competitors are struggling at the moment, and one of them has stopped keeping a good backup stock, which is pissing customers off, and they’re coming to me. The other one doesn’t carry nearly as much stuff as I do, and I just started carrying everything they do and also lowered all my prices to undercut them by $0.05 on every single product they sell.

I just learned my biggest online competitor sold the business to someplace called Bunker Hill, and it’s running my competitor into the ground. Bunker Hill is also currently buying out TatSoul, which is the company that makes and sends us our most popular items (and I’m the only one in the state that carries their full line of products). TatSoul is HUGE, and I’m assuming this new company is part of the reason why the TatSoul products have been inferior the last few months.

What does all this mean?

Read more... )
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-04-20 04:17 pm
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Leave Now Please

My mom just sent me this pic via text. My dad forgot to put the van’s hatch down and drove out of the garage with it up. This is the front of our house, and we live in an HOA, which means I gotta fix it quick or I’ll get fined.

I’m letting him use the van to go to Las Vegas (there’s a big race there this weekend and his friends are going too) because he fucked up his truck. His friend, who works at a dealership, told him ONE YEAR AGO that the transmission needed to be flushed, but my dad didn’t feel like spending $250 to do it, so he didn’t and he didn’t tell my mom and I about it either.

The transmission is now fucked up and will need to be placed for $1700.

My dad started whining about how he couldn’t go to Las Vegas with the truck, and even though I don’t think shitty behavior should be rewarded, my mom and I are sick of his stupid face and can’t wait to get him the fuck out of the house, so I told him to take the van.

I’ll have to drive the truck in 2nd gear (3rd gear is blown), but I don’t care if it means my dad will be gone for 4 days.
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-04-06 02:53 am

spncoldesthits' April Writing Challenge

April’s Prompt (Posting Dates 15-18th of April)

@pod7et won March’s Writing Challenge, which means they get to pick the theme for April, and they’ve decided on The Wizard of SPN!
Use the quote “but it wasn’t a dream” somewhere in the fic, and feel free to cram in as many other quotes from The Wizard of Oz as you can. The subject matter can be anything you want! Crossovers are welcome, and any pairings are up for grabs including genfic.

Read more... )
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-02-17 12:42 pm

CONventional Psychopathy Part 1: Primary Deviance

CONventional Psychopathy
Title: Part 1: Primary Deviance
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Jess, John/Mary
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: NC-17/Adult/Explicit
Word Count: Chapter One 6k/Part One 75k
Media: YouTube Playlist

Alternate Link: AO3

Full List of Kinks and/or Warnings: Serial killer AU, disturbing imagery, murder, minor character death, very graphic description of violence and murder, kidnapping of adults, graphic description of various forms of torture (including chemicals, cuts, burns, bone breaking, forced feeding, electricity, etc.), humiliation, bodily fluids/bodily functions (not used in a sexual way), begging, rough sex, manhandling, anal sex, oral sex, bondage, graphic description of medical procedures used for torture, discussion of the off-screen torture and murder of animals and humans (adults and children) committed by both adults and children, homophobia (not Dean or Cas) and homophobic slurs/insults

Setting: Serial Killer AU. I've messed with ages in this fic because I wanted technology available now, but some of the characters needed to be younger.

Summary: Castiel Novak is a Cleaner. He’s one of the agency’s best. Cas and his Handler, Dean Winchester, have a high success rate in a world where the worst criminals aren’t imprisoned for their crimes, but instead are captured by licensed serial killers who dispose of them, doing what they do best while getting paid for it.

Cas doesn’t form attachments, doesn’t leave himself open for a risk like that, but Dean has wormed his way into Cas’ life and into his house, but does Dean realize what falling in love with a serial killer really means?

A/N: This is a ‘verse I’ve had expanding in my head since I was around 10 years old. About two years ago I started writing it out using Supernatural characters, and it worked out so well that I ended up writing 75k in a very short amount of time. The ‘verse is still expanding, and I’m currently at 150k with plans for more. I plan to update every Tuesday and Friday.

This ‘verse is dark and includes concepts that are very far from our social norms. Right now there are three separate parts of this ‘verse, and each part will have its own tags as there is a different subject addressed in each part. This ‘verse is meant to fuck with your head. It's also very self-indulgent.

Thanks go out to my beta Kim for help picking out things that were slowing me down (she's awesome at that) and cheerleading and discussing the 'verse with me. I want to thank outoftheashes/samanddeaninpanties, who was and continues to be an awesome cheerleader. Also royalrowena helped me with more great songs for the playlist and also encouraged me to write a serial killer AU.

CONventional Psychopathy )
mayalaen: (Default)
2017-01-18 10:48 am
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Art for Sweet Dreams are Made of This - SPN-AU-Big-Bang

Art created for Sweet Dreams are Made of This by thatgorgeousarchangel/iscatterthemintimeandspace, who was my assigned partner for the spn-au-big-bang.

Tags/Warnings: rape, underage, graphic depictions of violence, pre-child abuse, blood, gore, death, bullying, homophobia, drugs, drug use, needles, torture, hunting, field dressing, big bang fic, SPN-AU-Big-Bang


Fic Summary: Gabriel Novak had always known he was different from other boys. There was something inside him, something dark, driving him to kill. He could have been born with it, or maybe had it beaten into him by his stepfather’s fists, but one thing was for certain, he couldn’t escape it.

Read more... )
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2017-01-04 02:24 am

The Man Behind the Curtain - SPNAUBigBang

Title: The Man Behind the Curtain
Pairing: Jensen/Misha - Cockles
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Rating: NC-17/Adult/Explicit
Word Count: 13.8k
Alternate Link: AO3
Link to Art: AO3 || LiveJournal

Full List of Kinks and/or Warnings: AU, 24/7 D/s, dom!Misha/sub!Jensen, cock cages, urethral play, bondage, cock & ball torture, painplay, spanking, paddling, discipline, anal sex, oral sex, anal fingering, crying, humiliation, begging, praise kink, flogging, edgeplay, orgasm denial/delay

Setting: AU

Summary: Jensen is a very successful businessman, a real estate agent to the stars or anyone looking for luxury properties. He's confident, influential, and no one would guess that he's submissive in any facet of his life, much less to Misha, Jensen's butler and the man who blends into the background.

A/N: This was written for the 2016 spn-au-big-bang​. The banner and other lovely artwork is courtesy of my awesome artist, [ profile] bluefire986​. Thank you!

Art by [ profile] bluefire986

The Man Behind the Curtain )
mayalaen: (Default)
2016-11-08 11:45 pm

Under the Weather - Calthazar

Title: Under the Weather
Pairing(s): Castiel/Balthazar
Rating: PG-13/Non-Explicit/Teen
Word Count: 1k
Tags: fluff, illness

Summary: Balthazar is sick, and he doesn't suffer in silence.

A/N: This was written for casbabe, who requested it a few months ago, but I kept psyching myself out of finishing it because I've never written Balthazar before.

Read more... )
mayalaen: (Default)
2016-10-09 03:36 pm

The Adventures of Farmer Castiel, Sammoo, and Deanmoo

Title: The Adventures of Farmer Castiel, Sammoo, and Deanmoo
Pairing(s): Sam/Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17/Explicit/Adult
Word Count: 1158
Tags: crack, au, farmer!Cas, cow!Sam, cow!Dean, genderswap, bestiality, rimming, fluff

Summary: A lazy Sunday afternoon on the ranch for Sammoo, Deanmoo, and Farmer Cas.

A/N: Brought to you by This Fluffy Cow Post, my weird brain, and encouragement from whataboutthefish. My brain went places and Fishie did nothing to discourage it. In fact... ENABLER!

Yes, it’s smut. Yes, those are cows. Yes, Sam and Dean are cows. If you’re already wondering what the fuck this is, this fic is probably not for you. Still with me? You’ll probably have fun. Enjoy!

Read more... )
mayalaen: (Default)
2016-10-09 03:29 pm
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Staying in the Lines SPNColdestHits

Cover Art by whataboutthefish

Title: Staying in the Lines
Pairing(s): None/Genfic
Rating: G/General Audiences
Word Count: 657
Tags: non-sexual age play/infantilism, fluff

Summary: This is my take on what happened while Dean was in the men's room for an hour in the episode The Benders 1x15.

A/N: This was my entry for SPNColdestHits's September Challenge. We needed to fill in the gap of one hour when Dean was in the men's room during the episode The Benders 1x15. We also had to do it while keeping it G-rated, no archive warnings.

Read more... )
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2016-09-26 02:11 pm

spncoldesthits' October Writing Challenge

October’s Prompt (Posting Dates 15-17 of October)

Kraellyk won September’s Writing Challenge, which means she gets to pick the theme for October, and she’d like us all to trick AND treat our readers.

Will it be a fun story that makes them laugh? Makes them smile? Maybe a sexy story that turns them on? It sure seems that way until the surprise twists, turns, or other oddities happen and then they’re scared, disgusted, puzzled, or falling onto the floor laughing, leaving them to wonder what the writer was thinking when they wrote it!

The only requirement for this month’s fic is the title has to be from a horror movie, and it can be any horror movie you want!

Read more... )

mayalaen: (Default)
2016-09-26 02:08 pm

spncoldesthits' one-year anniversary

@spncoldesthits One-Year Anniversary Giveaway!

In celebration of SPNColdestHits’ one-year anniversary, your mods are doing a giveaeaway! This will be running Now through November 25th, and we’ll be drawing two winners a week on every Friday starting October 7th for a total of 16 winners!

This is separate from our monthly writing challenge and is both a thank you to our awesome participants and a promo so even more people hear about us and join in on the insanity that is SPNColdestHits.

Read more... )
mayalaen: (Default)
2016-09-26 02:02 pm

spncoldesthits battle of losers

spncoldesthits November Battle of Losers!

As of November, @spncoldesthits will have been running for 1 year, which means we’ll have 12 winners, and what better to do in celebration than make them battle it out in an elimination challenge where we crown our Loser of the Year!

All the winners of @spncoldesthits from this past year are invited to write a fic. The theme for November will be you must write a sequel to your winning fic, and it must include one line from your winning fic.

All the previous winners will battle it out as we normally do with hits, comments, and kudos earning you points, and the participant with the least amount of points will be named our Loser of the Year!

Everyone can participate! We’re going to make this even more interesting by pairing up each winner with the runner-up from the month they won, and as a team they will need to do their best to sabotage every other participant in the hopes of helping their team win.

But wait, that’s not all! Anyone who has participated during the last year and anyone else who wants to join in can also help the winner of their choosing by way of promos for their nemeses as well as hits, comments, and kudos for them while actually lowering their score at the same time!

More details below the cut!

Read more... )
mayalaen: (Default)
2016-09-09 02:21 pm
Entry tags:

arts & crafts - for rosemoonweaver

Happy Birthday, rosemoonweaver!
Title: Arts & Crafts
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel
Word Count: 1.2k
Tags: pretend couple, first time, praise kink, undercover, handjob, fluff

Summary: They’re undercover on a hunt, and Cas notices something about Dean he’s never realized before.

Links: AO3 & Tumblr

A/N: This is for Rose, who recently had a birthday!

Read more... )
mayalaen: (Default)
2016-08-26 02:25 pm

alpha house update: chapter 29

Alpha House Update - Chapter 29 Posted

Chapter 29: Roleplay was posted on AO3.  To start at the beginning of the fic, Click Here.

Chapter Summary:   Everyone in the house is busy, a business meeting doesn’t go well for Dean, and Sam has plans for a few members of the house.

mayalaen: (Default)
2016-07-23 02:26 pm
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numb - for piningflint

Happy Birthday, @piningflint!

Title: Numb
Pairing(s): Sam/Castiel
Word Count: 2.5k
Tags: Fuck or die, curses/spells, dubcon (kinda), pining/unrequieted, first time, dirty talk, rough sex, anal fingering, begging, frottage, intergluteal sex, anal sex, biting, oral sex, orgasm delay/denial

Summary: They’re stuck, and the only way to get out is to do something Sam wants so badly he can taste it. But Cas doesn’t want it. Sam’s sure of that.

Links: AO3 & Tumblr

A/N: This is for Carla, who had a birthday on July 20th!

Read more... )